[Yellow and white fireworks explode in the New Orleans Arena as the fans eagerly anticipate the 33rd installment of cWo Driven. Cameras scan from past the front row crowd, to surveying to fans further up observing signs like "World Gays League" being held by a man in a shirt that says "MaYhEm!" "We Want HotShot!" and "Heretic, time to get SERIOUS!" as we are brought to the announce desk alongside John Pilchard and Lance Wilden.]

Wilden: cWo fans have gathered together in droves tonight in Little Rock, Arkansas as we're ready for our second dose of Driven headed towards our next Pay Per View Eye of the Storm folks! Two more stops and we're there! Hello folks this is Lance Wilden, filling in for Robbie Hart tonight as you'll see is John Pilchard.

Pilchard: That's "The" John Pilchard.

Wilden: Borrowing from your partner in crime tonight?

Pilchard: Partner in crime? He's my partner in change Lance and tonight, I change the way that cWo programming was meant to be broadcast. I'm not here to play favorites, I'm not here to play armchair psychiatrist.

Wilden: No, you're here because Robbie Hart has a date with the mouthpiece of Estrogen Uprising, Mary-Joe Wolf tonight.

Pilchard: Give me a little more credit than that Lance. I'm not just a stand in, I wasn't the only choice for this spot.

Wilden: Alright-

Pilchard: Jason Duran, Tiffany Tolberg, hell I'm sure those amateurs even asked Tony to give them this spot, but I didn't have to ask, Wilden, I was asked. I'm a jack of all trades now, columnist, manager, colour commentator, next thing you know I might even be a permanent fixture at this booth.

Wilden: And I can already tell this is gonna be a wonderful, fruitful experience, John.

Pilchard: Don't think that sarcastic attitude is gonna work on me pal, I wrote the book on it. Listen you treat me right and I'll treat you the same.

Wilden: Well let's hope tonight goes without a hiccup. We got a great show ahead if last week was any indication ladies and gentlemen. We have two preliminaries before the eight woman gauntlet at Eye of the Storm in the form of tag team matches, Lana Lexington teams up with Mad Maddie tonight to take on Jen Diamond and Chastity McGavin, also Phantasy tags with Meghan Conklin against Evette and Jezebel where the winners take three points towards their position in the big gauntlet for the Women's Title!

Pilchard: That's great and all Lance but let me one up you, because tonight the Weapon Nick Dangerous returns to action, once again after a brutal workload last week to take on another one of Chris Michaels' failed projects.

Wilden: "HotShot" Chris Michaels is tackling a journalistic expedition of his own to see what cWo wrestlers can overcome the challenge of this changed man in Nick Dangerous.

Pilchard: A more ruthless, vicious animal than before Nick Dangerous is gonna put any obstacle Michaels has away like blowing a flame from a candle. It should be great.

Wilden: But our main event tonight will face Chandler Edsel Dalmon and "The Product of Hate" Josh Cantrell against one another in a match for Josh Cantrell's freshly won and redubbed U.S. Championship!

Pilchard: We got The Product of too much Testosterone going up against the online college graduate. This could go either way for me Wilden, if it's a one on one fight Cantrell's got it without question, even in spite of my opinion of him. If WGL shows up it's anyone's game. But heaven help us if we have to call Chandler Dalmon a Champion at the end of the day.

Wilden: You said it there. I can't believe I agree with you, but I agree with you.

Pilchard: You've been on your game so far Wilden, I hope you can keep it up. Or should I say I hope you can keep up with me.

Wilden: Let's just enjoy the show.

"Live by the laws of the Family..."

[The lights leave, fireworks are set off to imitate machine gun fire at the sides of the ramp whilst green white and red lights start to circle the arena.]

"...Or die by the hands of the Family."

[Christiano makes his way out from the back. Drago starts to strut down the ramp, completely ignoring the crowd at the side of the ramp who are trying to get his attention as he does.]

Wilden: Our first match up tonight will see the debut of the Young Italian, Christiano Drago and he's up against cWo's very own Zidane Starkiller, and it may be worth noting here that Drago is a part of cWo's working hand in hand with the justice system to rehabilitate ex-convicts.

Pilchard: Wait...he's an ex-convict?

Wilden: That's the story as it was told to me.

Pilchard: What'd he do?

Wilden: I don't know, John.

Pilchard: Think he killed a guy?

Wilden: I highly doubt Tony Awesome would hire a man who killed somoene.

Pilchard: I gotta know more about this.

Wilden: Well maybe you can make a project out of it.

Dixon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at one hundred and eighty six pounds, he hails from Vinci Italy he is Christianooooooo Draaaaagoooooo!

[Christiano rolls in under the bottom rope and stands up. As soon as he turns around, he starts to warm up in a clearly lackadaisical and cocky way - the crowd don't take to kindly to the fact he's been ignoring them and stay silent as he stands expectantly in the ring.

Wilden: But I won't lie John, this is a move that could well backfire on us. After all, there's enough volatile personalities in cWo as it is, adding a convicted criminal to the mix might just be a catalyst for disaster. I can tell you have mixed feelings by the look on your face.

Pilchard: This is classic Tony Awesome marketting, that's about what it comes down to. You can tell by his outright enthusiasm he's ready to go Lance.

Wilden: It's gonna be hard getting used to not being the sarcastic one at the table.

Pilchard: That's probably the last time I make a joke at his expense anyways.

[Then "Mr. Roboto" by STYX hits the PA system as Zidane Starkiller comes out from the entrance way. He surveys the crowd before he rushes down the aisle...and he nods his head, smiling in approval. He sprints at the ring and slides half way across it before standing up directly in front of the still casual, and still warming up, Drago.]

Dixon: And his opponent, weighing in at one hundred and eighty five pounds. He hails the universe as we know it, Zidaaaaane Staaaaarkilleeeeerrr!

Pilchard: Well it's a good thing he's in a pleasant mood, because I don't think we're gonna see Zidane much more after this.

Wilden: Hector Garcia calls for the bell to start the match and Zidane is looking lively here...

Pilchard: His world has probably turned upside down since beating Josh Cantrell.

Wilden: Had to bring that up didn't you?

Pilchard: Facts are facts, Lance.

Wilden: He's done other things since then you know.

Pilchard: Yeah but it doesn't get worse than losing to [says mockingly]Zidane Starkiller.

DING DING DING

[Zidane starts to bounce around like a middleweight boxer, bouncing left and right in an effort to intimidate Drago at first - and then when he notices he has barely looked up from his mock warm-up he becomes more elaborate in an effort to just gain his attention. Drago stands up and starts to stretch out his neck and shoulders as he does, Zidane looks around at the crowd confusedly as if asking what he should do.]

Wilden: The crowd urging Zidane to just go right ahead and start fighting him here...

Pilchard: I don't know if I'd wanna jump an ex-convict from behind.

Wilden: How would one approach an ex-con anyhow?

Pilchard: I guess it depends on what he was in jail for. I mean if he's a pederast you probably wanna keep him in front of you at all times.

Wilden: Alright John this is television, you're not writing a column, we have censors here.

Pilchard: My mistake. I forgot we already have Andrew Phillips.

Wilden: John!

Pilchard: Gordon Drysdale's words, not mine.

[Zidane stops bouncing around and pulls back his right arm, telegraphing the plans for a punch, Drago ducks under it as soon as he throws it and spins around to face Zidane's back before grabbing his head and neck before ploughing it in to the mat between his legs. Zidane springs back up, holding the back of his head, but determined to make an impression he bounces himself off the ropes and runs at Drago on the opposing side of the ring.]

Wilden: Nice reversal by Drago off the bat, but here comes Zidane out the traps!

[Zidane rushes straight in to a drop-toe hold from Drago that sees him fall neck first on to the bottom rope. Drago grabs the top rope and springs over it, dropping a leg on the back of Zidane's head as he falls. Zidane reels back in to the ring holding his neck as Gracia tends to him and Drago casually slides back inside, the crowd are starting to get angry with Drago but excited at the action.]

Wilden: Ruthless leg-drop on to the back of Zidane's head - in another match Drago might have found himself disqualified for choking there!

Pilchard: What, for a leg drop?

[Garcia picks Zidane back up and talks to him as Drago bounces off the opposing ropes and sprints towards him delivering a drop-kick to his knee before he's finished with the referee. Zidane buckles over on the knee as Garcia ticks off Drago.]

Wilden: Well this is just terrible, Zidane has been ruled out of this match so far without even a chance, Drago keeps bending the rules to keep him out of it!

Pilchard: It takes a true ring general to bend the rules without breaking them.

Wilden: At least I'm hearing it from the horse's mouth.

[Drago eases away from the referees warning as Zidane is still cradling his knee. Drago runs at him and hits a shining wizard while he's still at half height, Zidane lands on his back next to the ropes as Drago stands to deliver a quick standing moonsault on him before going for the pin. Garcia falls for the count;

ONE

TWO

Drago lifts Zidane's head off the canvas and looks out at the jeering fans with a smirk.]

Wilden: Aw, come on! You've got him beat!

Pilchard: It's like you said Lance, Tony Awesome's decision to support this man's recovery could bite us in the ass. This guy's not a wrestler, he's a criminal, you can't explain the value of holding a guy's shoulders to the mat for three seconds to a guy who only sees value in money, or power, whatever got this guy locked up.

Wilden: A little bit of fighting fairly wouldn't go amiss.

Pilchard: I'm not sure he went to prison for fighting fairly.

[Drago picks Zidane up from the ground before delivering a snap suplex that lands him in the very center of the ring, he keeps a hold of the headlock and rolls him over on his back before clambering over the top of him to lock in the STF submission in the middle of the ring, Zidane starts to cry out in pain as Drago starts to shout in Zidane Italian in his ear.]

Wilden: This man is just enjoying this! And Zidane taps out hastily, thankfully putting himself out of his misery.

[Drago leaves the hold in place until a few seconds after Gracia has had the bell rung and tapped him to release it. He rolls Zidane over with his right foot and stares down at his fallen foe condescendingly.]

Dixon: Here is your winner, Christiano Drago!

[Shouts Dixon as Garcia grudgingly raises Drago's arm in victory. Drago shakes his hand off of his own shortly after before leaving the ring area just as ignorant to the now quite angry crowd as he was when he entered.]

Wilden: Well, I'll grudgingly call that a quite impressive debut from what is obviously a very arrogant young convict...

Pilchard: That could've only been worse for Zidane if he brought some soap.

Wilden: I can't help but wonder what this guy's story is.

Pilchard: I am too. But I'm not sure this is a story that even I'm gonna chase.

Wilden: Are you actually admitting that you're afraid?

Pilchard: I've never been scared to tell someone I'm afraid of something, I worry enough about Heretic slitting my throat from behind to add another name to that list.

Wilden: Well I'm worried about my broadcast colleague Robbie Hart being registered as a sex offender tonight during his date with Mary-Joe Wolf. We have cameras so cWo fans can for better of for worse follow Hart and Wolf as they spend the night together.

Pilchard: Lovely...

Wilden: Let's take a look.

[The scene now isn't anywhere near the anywhere, but instead is focused on a car pulling up to motel! A figure walks out adusting his tie while holding a dozen roses! Robbie Hart walks up the steps with a huge grin on his face! He steps up to the door and softly knocks on it! He waits a few seconds and Mary-Joe, dressed like she usually does, answers and quickly walks out.]

Hart: Hi Mary...

[She grabs the roses, looks at them and then throws them in the room!]

Mary-Joe: Those look rotted!

Hart: That's fine...

[Mary-Joe grabs her coat and walks out the door with her hand over her face like she doesn't want to be seen with Hart!]

Mary-Joe: Let's just get this done and over with!

[Mary-Joe stomps past Robbie Hart as he sprays his mouth with Binaca and winks at the camera as we head to commercials.]

[Jason Duran is standing backstage with mic in hands]

Duran: We are backstage live with one of the most beautiful people in all of wrestling. She is the Glamorous one herself, EVETTE....

[Evette is standing to the left of Duran, wearing a dark black leather mini skirt and a white shirt that reads "Glamorous" in front.]

Duran: Evette, tonight, you take part in a women's tag teammatch that will have importance to the Women's Championship, and you are teaming up with Jezebel tonight against Meghan Conklin and Phantasy. Out of pure luck, Phantasy beat you at Slam in the Sand. What do we have in store tonight.

[Evette rubs her finger on Jason's face and over his lips]

Evette: Jason honey....Meghan Conklin and Phantasy pose no threat to myself, though I can not say the same for women all across the world. I feel that I represent all the beautiful women in this world. They all look up to me because I am beautiful. I am successful. I am certanly not overweight like some of the other women in the cWo. The women in this world get scared off by people like Conklin and Phantasy, because they are not fair female rolemodels, like I am.

Duran: What about your teammate Jezebel....kind of scary, right?

Evette: More like scary looking! But I would love to take her on and teach her how to be a woman of grace and elegance. The kind of lady every women should be. And after I am rightfully awarded the cWo Women's Title, I would be happy to take her under my wing and be a mentor for her. As for tonight, Jezebel can do and be whatever she wants to be!

[Evette again runs her fingers slowly down Duran's chest, goes to give him a kiss as Duran closes his eyes....and then pulls back]

Evette: See you later, handsome!

[Evette walks off camera as Jason gives our a large gasp of air, as his face begins to blush a little bit as the camera switches back to Wilden and Pilchard]

Pilchard: Did she just call Jason Duran handsome?

Wilden: I think so.

Pilchard: She must have been being nice.

Wilden: Well you should know better than I would.

Pilchard: That's right. Evette and her husband Mr. Rich have been very good to me.

Wilden: Well we'll see if Evette can be good in the ring later tonight. But now, it's time for Estrogen Uprising to take on the first ever teaming of Mad Maddie, and Lana Lexington who is debuting her second performance in a cWo ring.

DING DING DING

Dixon: The following match is a women’s tag team match, and is scheduled for one fall, where the winners will receive three points towards their position in the eight woman gauntlet!

["Physical" by NIN plays and the Omega flashes on the screen as Jen Diamond makes her way onto the entrance ramp. Walls of pyros shoot up from either side as the ramp as confidently strides to the ring. ]

Dixon: Entering the ring first, she hails from Boca Raton, Florida. Jen Diaaaaamond!

[She climbs up onto the apron, climbs into the ring and raises her arms to the fans, bringing on a chorus of boos.]

Wilden: This clearly isn't a good sign as far as Diamond's and Chastity's relationship is concerned. They usually come out together! Mary-Joe Wolf's abscence can be doing more bad than good!

Pilchard: Mary-Joe Wolf is someone I can relate to, now I've been the behind the scenes man for the Gods of Wrestling, and Seriously Dangerous and I know that when personalities clash there's only so much you can do about it.

Wilden: So are you saying we shouldn't expect the team of Diamond and McGavin to last very long?

Pilchard: All I'm saying is it took me four tries to finally find someone who syncs up with Nick Dangerous in Chazz Mendel, but the idea of sticking together in a world where there can only be one top dog is nearly impossible.

["Into the Darkness" by Kittie begins to play across the arena as Chastity McGavin slowly makes her way out to the ring sans Mary-Joe Wolf.]

Dixon: And her partner. Hailing from Portland, Oregon. Chastityyyyy McGaaaaaviiiin!

Wilden: Chastity McGavin looks quite naked on her own here without Mary-Joe, but let's take a look at what happened earlier today.

[As Chastity makes her way to the ring, picture and picture appears on the left side of the screen. Chastity is in her locker room lacing up her boots as Jen Diamond approaches her looking very angry.]

Diamond: What was that last week?

[Chastity just stares at her, emotionless!]

Diamond: You could have bailed me out and me and you could've battled it out!

[Chastity turns away to lacing up her boots!]

Diamond: I forgot! You only speak through your mouth piece. Well, she isn't here right now! So, you are going to need to work with me tonight! Unless, you don't want to be Women's Champion!

[Chastity turns toward her.]

Diamond: Good! I got your attention! Yeah, you won the rumble and got yourself three points! But guess what? This little cup cake has come in and through polls has managed to tie with you! And I need those points myself thanks to you! So, me and you are going to need to work together! We have a chance to keep Maddie at zero and make sure this Lana girl doesn't go anywhere!

[Chastity stands up and nods at her!]

Diamond: Good, we are on the same page!

[Jen walks off as Chastity McGavin follows! Once the segment ends and the picture and picture goes back in, Chastity and Jen Diamond are in the ring, but don't acknowledge eachother!]

Wilden: As just pointed out, this is a huge match for both ladies. Chastity has a lot to lose and Diamond as everything to gain!

Pilchard: Even if they aren't the best of friends, we're looking at Jen Diamond and Chastity McGavin here, they're not gonna be easy to beat.

["Right of Way" by Ferry Corsten plays as Mad Maddie comes out to a mixed reaction!]

Wilden: Talk about everything to gain, I can imagine that this is "do or die" time for Maddie! She is the only woman in the Gauntlet match to not have any points. A win is a must for her!

Pilchard: Win or no win, a little class wouldn't help her cause at all, for a woman like her, I'd focus on being less grating and maybe make some friends around here, because she doesn't seem to have a lot going for her on her own.

Wilden: She's got spunk, to say the least.

Pilchard: No I'm not gonna assess this woman like that, Mary-Joe Wolf gave this woman a chance to clean herself up and act like a woman, instead of the beastly, smoking, cussing, conniving hound that she is.

Wilden: Jee John, why don't you tell us how you really feel about Mad Maddie?

Dixon: And their opponents, entering the ring first, hailing from Waterbury, Connecticut. Mad Maddieeeeeeee!

[Maddie is stopped on the rampway waiting for her partner! A strobe light flashes from the entrance way as the intro to Justice's "Genesis" hits. As the song kicks in, Lana Lexington bursts out from the entrance way jumping up and down, looking excited and ready for her match. She is welcomed by cheers from the fans and acknowledges them with a wave and smile as she makes her way to the ring.]

Dixon: And her partner. From Boston, Massachusetts. Lanaaaa Lexington!

Wilden: And I think there is no doubt that this young lady, Lana Lexington, has become an overnight success! Not does the fans reaction reflect that, but the fact that a cWo fan poll was held last week asking the fans who they thought had the most impressive outing last week at the nine woman battle royal, and even in defeat Lana Lexington won the polls by a landslide! Winning that poll earned her three points that will go towards her standing in the eight woman gauntlet at Eye of the Storm. For all we know, the fans can vote her right into that number 30 position which will make the walk to the Women's Title a whole lot easier!

Pilchard: Lana can win all the fan polls she wants, but the bottom line lies on the fact that fan support can only get you so far, look at the past World Champions, Chazz Mendel, Notorious JON back in the day, Nick Dangerous, did the fans have anything to do with them?

Wilden: You're forgetting about Andrew Phillips.

Pilchard: And how great did that turn out? The fans destroyed Andrew Phillips.

[Lana climbs on to the apron and faces the crowd with her back to the ropes, Maddie follows behind her! She outstretches her arms and does a backflip into the ring and lands in a pose with her feet crossed and her arms outstretched. The fans cheer as she flashes another smile as the music fades! Suddenly, Chastity and Diamond and her from behind pounding into the back of her head!]

DING DING DING

Pilchard: You see? The bell rings and we're reminded that Chastity and Diamond might be at odds, but they're professionals.

Wilden: True enough but here comes Maddie with a spear towards Chastity, BUT SHE MISSES AND HITS THE TURNBUCKLE!

Pilchard: She must be drunk again, or still drunk might be more accurate.

Wilden: Either way it seems that we are going to be seeing a double team for the next little bit! Chastity irish whips her into the turnbuckle and Jen hits a backflip handspring on her! As Jen goes to her corner, Chastity NAILS Lana with a running Yakuza kick!

Pilchard: What you see is two women who have their priorities straight. Get business out of the way, worry about the personal stuff later and I can't appreciate that enough.

Wilden: Right now, while they have the edge! We'll wait until we are more into the match!

Pilchard: You mean it's not almost over?

Wilden: Chastity lifting up Lana and hits her with a northern lights bomb. And Chastity picks up Lana and performs a standing STF! This is definitely going to take a toll on the fan favorite! And Lana struggles and tries to fight her off, but Chastity might just be too poweful! BUT WAIT!... SOMEHOW LEXINGTON REVERSES IT AND FLIPS BEHIND CHASTITY AND ROLLS HER UP! The count begins!

ONE

TWO

Wilden: And Chastity tosses her off! But an amazing turn around by Lana! Lana quickly looks to her corner, but Maddie has yet to recover! Chastity up but she gets hit with a hurricanrana by Lana! When Chastity gets up she is taken down again with a roundhouse kick! And these fans are totally behind the young Lana Lexington!

Pilchard: It doesn't matter Lance, it's two against one.

Wilden: Lana off the ropes, but Jen pulls her hair knocking her down! And it looks like Maddie is finally back into her corner! Both Chastity and Lana are now trying to get to their respective corners! And Chastity, haven taken the least damage, makes the tag to Diamond! And right as Diamond reaches Lana, the tag is made to Maddie! And Maddie and Diamond trade blows! Maddie irish whips Jen into the turnbuckle and follows up with a big stinger splash! And she follows up with a big bulldog to Diamond! Maddie of course has her issues with the Estrogen Uprising!

Pilchard: Her issues don't involve anyone but herself.

Wilden: Maddie follows by mounting Diamond and nailing her with puches to the cranium! Maddie dismounts and then quickly rushes to the Estrogen Uprising corner and knocks Chastity off the apron!

Pilchard: Keep pissing the wrong people off Maddie!

Wilden: And she may have as Maddie walks into a headscissors takedown! Jen lifts Maddie up and hits her with a running powerslam! And Diamond now with the pin!

ONE

TWO

Wilden: And Lana flips off the ropes and breaks the pinfall! Diamond gets up, just in time to be hit by a roundhouse kick! And the second time she is up, she gets knocked back down by a double leg drop from Maddie and Lana! Lana is forced back to her corner!

Pilchard: Is Tony Awesome watching this? Are Aaron Blake's eyes even open for this match?

Wilden: Maddie has Jen up AND HITS AN AXE KICK! And the pinfall!

ONE

TWO

Wilden: And an angered Chastity McGavin pulls Maddie off her and delivers a neckbreaker across the knees. Aaron Blake turns back around as Chastity scurries back to her corner! Diamond back up and she puts Maddie into the torture rack! McGavin makes the blind tag and walks in and hits the neckbreaker on Maddie as Diamond releases her!

Pilchard: Another example of professionalism in the workplace.

Wilden: And Chastity waits for Maddie to get back up AND HITS THE EQUALIZER!

Pilchard: Game, set and match Lance, chalk three more points on the board for Chastity McGavin.

Wilden: Not so fast, Lana springboards off the ropes and hits a missile dropkick on Chastity McGavin! And the hold is released! Lana quickly gets back in her corner! Maddie gets to her feet as does Chastity! Both move to their corners! And both tags are made as Diamond and Lana charges towards eachother! Lana with a swingingneckbreaker to Diamond! Diamond up but gets hit with a snapmare, then a kick to the back of the head, followed by a neck snap and Lana quickly heads to the second rope and hits a moonsault! Great, quickly executed combo by Lana!

Pilchard: I'll second that, she's got talent.

Wilden: Tony "Totally" Awesome's niece now taking full control of Diamond! She picks Diamond up and hits a snap suplex which she calls a Lex Plex!

Pilchard: Nicely done, I can definitely see she shares Tony Awesome's blood.

Wilden: And an irish whip to the corner and Lana looks to give Diamond a taste of her own medicine with a handspring elbow! But Diamond moves out of the way as Lana hits the turnbuckle! Diamond immediately hits her with a piledriver!

Pilchard: You see she has polish and finesse but you can't always be a showman.

Wilden: And Diamond goes for the pin!

ONE

TWO

[Chastity quickly runs in and pulls Diamond off of Lana!]

Wilden: WHAT!

Pilchard: Well time to throw professionalism out the window. What we're seeing here is a result of excess of pride Wilden.

Wilden: Chastity wants the full three points and she isn't going to let ANYBODY get it, but her! I think this shows her true character!

[Jen looks up at Chastity, more shocked then she really should be! Jen starts screaming at Chastity as Chastity just points to herself! Diamond pushes Chastity! Chastity pushes back and before they can continue, they realize that Lana just got the tag to Maddie!]

Wilden: And Maddie back in with Lana! The charge at Diamond and Chastity! Lana knocks Chastity down with a running elbow strike while Maddie circles behind Diamond and quickly gets the roll up!

ONE

TWO

THREE

DING DING DING

Pilchard: What kind of crap is...Aaron Blake's gonna count that? We're gonna let that cretin run away with three points?

Wilden: Chastity and Jen lose this one due to their constant fighting!

Pilchard: I've never read the bible Lance but I'm more than sure there's something in there against a roach like Maddie getting one over thoroughbred horses like Chastity McGavin and Jen Diamond!

Wilden: Did you just call Estrogen Uprising horses?

Pilchard: You think you're funny don't you?

[Maddie and Lana slide out of the ring, celebrating their victory, leaving Chastity and Diamond in the ring! Chastity then quickly slides out of the ring, just staring at Diamond, who is coming to!]

Dixon: Here are your winners: Mad Maddie and Lana Lexington!

Wilden: For those of you taking score, this give Maddie three points and Lana Lexington five points! For right now, Lana is in the lead!

Pilchard: Maddie will never understand how huge this win really is. Who's gonna break the news to her that she can't buy beer with points?

Wilden: Why can't you just be happy for the girl?

Pilchard: What's to be happy about? Has she ever even been to the gym? You look at the opposite corner and you see consumate professionals, Lexington can enjoy her five points, she's got dedication, but Maddie?

Wilden: Give it a rest, John.

Pilchard: Open your eyes Wilden! Mad Maddie is the kind of woman you see working at Denny's and wonder...how did she get a job here? At Denny's Wilden! If she's not qualified to work Denny's what is she qualified for!

Wilden: If you're so sure of yourself about Mad Maddie then you shouldn't have to worry about her being Woman's Champion should you?

Pilchard: I was never worried, that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my opinion.

[Chastity climbs up over the barricade as she stares down Diamond, who stares her back down. Jen is yelling at her from the ring as Chastity doesn't show any emotion at all!]

Wilden: While we celebrate Maddie and Lana's success, I think we are going to see Diamond and Chastity explode on eachother soon!

Pilchard: Unless Mary-Joe is a miracle worker of Pilchard-like proportions.

Wilden: If she's anything like you Chastity and Jen Diamond will be broken up tomorrow for all we know, this is a volatile situation and I think the bell tolls for Diamond and McGavin as a tag team.

Wilden: In what will probably be the only time I ever refer to Thaddeus Walker as a more serious change of pace, coming up next should be very theraputic for Sean Pason as he's requested and received a match against longtime rival Thaddeus Walker in singles competition.

Pilchard: I'm not sure what to make of Thaddeus Walker and the WGL Lance.

Wilden: Yeah?

Pilchard: If Heretic's taught us anything it's that sometimes the scariest people are the ones that are out of their minds. And Thaddeus Walker, at the very least is definitely off his rocker.

Wilden: That much is true, despite his old fashionedness he can still get the job done in the ring when he sets his mind to it.

[The Maple Leaf Rag plays and Devon Dice and Chandler Edsel Dalmon step out from behind the entrance curtain. The point to the back and out steps Thaddeus Walker. He forgoes his usual air violion as they hurry to the ring, a bandage covering Thaddeus' moustache.]

Pilchard: I gotta point out one thing about the WGL that I admire, they prove to be one of the few exceptions to what I said about Diamond and Chastity in that unity among peers is hard to come by in cWo, that much is respectable.

Wilden: Respectable?! Of all the groups we've seen in cWo, these men probably break the rules the most!

Pilchard: Other groups? Isn't the WGL supposed to be the first time more than two people were grouped together in cWo?

Wilden: Shut up Hart!

Pilchard: Hart? It's Pilchard...

Wilden: I... you know what I meant!

Dixon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle, being accompanied to the ring alongside the World Gentleman's League. Thaddeeeuuuuus Waaaaalkeeeer!

[The WGL Members step into the ring, and Thaddeus takes the microphone.]

Thaddeus: Ladies and gentlemen, a near tragedy has occured. Several nights ago, I decided grooming was in order. I retired to my restroom, with the intent of spending an hour trimming the finest moustache in all of the territories. However, it was not to be! You see, as I began the nearly hour long process, a streetcar backfired creating a loud pop! This initiated a chain reaction of sorrow, as my dog began to bark, as he often does when a certain colored scoundrel tries to place milk on my doorstep, milk which has been poisoned! The creature's barking intensified, causing my wife, Cecilia Walker, to open the door to let th beast out. No more than several seconds later, a squirrell entered the house through the open door! My wife, being of weak will and low moral fiber, screamed. Fearing that the Kaiser himself had invaded my home, I flinched at the noise.. creating a nick of several millimeters in my fine moustache! Fear not, as I have begun replacing this void with more fine facial hair, however, as you can see...

[The lights begin to dim as the intro to “Till I Collapse” begins playing in the background. Then suddenly lights begin to flicker off and on as Sean Pason slowly walks out of the entrance ramp. Sean wearing a hooded sweatshirt stops and moves his head to the beat of the song, then continues towards the ring. Pason slaps a couple of the fans hands that are trying to reach out to him. Sean slowly enters into the ring as his entrance song ends.]

Thaddeus: Now if you woulda just held your horses, I could have finished my story! I regret to inform you that due to injury, I will be unable to compete for this match!

Pason: What a surprise. Now lemme guess..

Thaddeus: No guessing involved, noble savage! However, due to your primal need for competition, I have provided you with some!

Pason: One of these clowns, right? Or your buddy Fowler in another costume?

Thaddeus: I'm afraid not. You see, tonight you shall face a legend, a man almost to the level of ol' TW himself! Let me inform my brethren of this, what shall be your recourse when JOHNNY LUGS runs roughshod on your person?!

[Xyce Pac's entrance, a loud pre-recorded pop begins to play.]

Pilchard: Pason vs. Lugo.. Well that's gonna be a kicker for Pason.

Wilden: I knew it! I knew Thaddeus would avoid Pason!

Pilchard: Could be for the better Xyce Pac coming from the ice age is a little more with the times than whatever year Thaddeus Walker thinks he's in.

[The WGL memebers and Pason watch the entrance way, but Xyce Pac can't be found.]

Thaddeus: Again, you will be facing XYCE PAC.. JOHNNY LUGS!

[The pre-recorded pop begins again, but there's no Xyce Pac.]

Wilden: Where is he?

Pilchard: Well, not showing up for work is a John Lugo specialty after all.

[After a few seconds, a banging is heard from underneath the ring. Dice rushes over and opens up a trapdoor, and Xye Pac pulls himself up through it.]

Wilden: Oh please!

Pilchard: These guys are unpredictable if anything.

[Xyce Pac takes the mic as the rest of the WGL slides out of the ring]

Xyce Pac: Alright everyone, CHILL! Can you be COLD, Pason? You're stepping in the ICY COLD of space, where you heart will FREEZE! You will beg, but my condition have left me COLD to your pleas of mercy. WINTER.. has come at laa..

[Pason interrupts Xyce Pac with a huge clothesline.]

Pilchard: Well I suppose it was only a matter of time.

Wilden: Well this one's underway, and Pason is wasting no time, absolutely tearing into Xyce Pac! He pulls him to his feet and sends him into the ropes, DROPKICK by Pason, Lugo goes down! Lugo back to his feet, he charges and Pason catches him with a hiptoss, followed a sliding kick hard into his side! Pason now mounting Lugo and hammering away with lefts and rights!

Pilchard: I'd bet Pason is just pretending Lugo is Thaddeus Walker right now.

Wilden: Pason getting back to his feet, and pulling Xyce Pac back up with him. Xyce Pac's staggering, and Pason continues to hammer away on him with lefts and rights. Now he bends him over and nails him with some hard knee strikes.. that sends Xyce Pac down to his knee, Pason pulls him back up, he's got him hooked, RELEASE GERMAN SUPELX! Xyce Pac practically bounces off the mat! This is just a good old fashioned beating!

Pilchard: This is a side of Pason I like. Instead of blindsiding Nick Dangerous when he isn't looking, he's putting Thaddeus Walker and his circus brigade in their place.

Wilden: Xyce Pac slowly gets to his feet.. and the rest of the WGL looks a bit worried, I don't think this is what they had in mind.

Pilchard: They should be, Pason isn't giving Lugo anything!

Wilden: Pason now with some hard forearm strikes.. he backs Xyce Pac into the corner.. now he whips him into the ropes and catches him witha huge spinebuster slam! This match hasn't been going on for long, but you've gotta wonder how much more Xyce Pac can take?

[Thaddeus Walker jumps up on the apron, screaming at the referee]

Wilden: Pason now helping Xyce Pac to his feet and OOH, low blow! Aaron Blake was distracted by Walker, and he didn't see this blantant shot! Xyce Pac spins Pason around and applies a full nelson lock, he calls that The Cooler!

Pilchard: Or the coolah, as Lugo pronounces it.

Wilden: Pason trying to fight his way out of this hold, trying to move to the ropes.. but Xyce Pac's got this one locked in! Aaron Blake's not checking with Pason, who's not giving up! Pason now trying to get some leverage and throw Xyce Pac off, and the crowd's really behind him here! Pason bends forward, pulling Xyce Pac to his feet! now he's fighting his way to the ropes... he reaches out and, YES! The referee is making Xyce Pac release the hold! OOH, but Xyce Pac gives Pason a hard knee to the small of the back.. and Pason felt that one! The referee now warning Xyce Pac about cheap shots and OH COME ON! Devon Dice and Thaddeus Walker now choking Pason on the outside!

Pilchard: Teamwork! You see that?

Wilden: More like an unfair advantage! They now release Pason as Aaron Blake turns his attention back to him. Xyce Pac now with some hard stomps on Pason, now he's pulling him to his feet, and pointing to his elbow pad..

Pilchard: Looks like a freeze is coming.

Wilden: Xyce Pac sends Pason into the ropes and NO! Pason ducks the elbow! Pason bounces off the other side, Pac turns.. THESZ PRESS! Pason now hammering away again on Xyce Pac! Pason now grabs the head of Xyce Pac and pulls him into his feet, putting him into DDT position... HUGE DDT, wait, he's keeping it locked in.. guillotine choke! We've seen this before, he calls this manuever Last Words, and the referee is checking for Xyce Pac's last words....

Pilchard: Cute, Lance. How long have you been waiting to say that one?

Wilden: Wait a second, the WGL has hit the ring! Pason breaks the hold and greets Devon Dice with a huge lariat! And here's one for Chandler Dalmon! The referee's calling for the bell, and he's gonna disqualify Xyce Pac!

DING DING DING

Wilden: Thaddeus Walker now in the ring, and he's cowering in the corner..

[Pason points at Thaddeus as the crowd cheers.]

Pilchard: Still not enough to put Pason away!

Wilden: I don't think Pason cares! He wants a shot at the WGL's leader! Thaddeus is PLEADING with him to stay away and NO.. axe handle from behind by Xyce Pac, that'll bring down Pason! Now the members of the WGL stomping away on the fallen Sean Pason, now that they have the numbers advantage. Some gentlemen! Thaddeus now barking orders at his team. Devon Dice now pulls Sean Pason to his feet.. he has him hooked, HARD EIGHT! Thaddeus now directing his men once again, motioning to the ropes...

Pilchard: They're covering all four posts..

Wilden: What're they gonna do?

Pilchard: Leaping from four posts? That's gonna be a massacre!

Wilden: The members of the WGL now each climbing to the top rope...

Pilchard: When was the last time you saw a four post massacre, Lance? I'd be hard pressed to recall a single time!

Wilden: They've got Pason lined up, and this can do some considerable damage! They simultaniously jump and NO! NO! Pason rolls out of the way! The WGL members all hit the mat hard!!!!

Pilchard: They should've rehearsed that one a little more.

Wilden: Sean Pason did, and he's just one upped the World Gentleman's League!

Pilchard: Even though he single handedly kicked their asses I don't think he's seen the last of these guys.

[Pason backs down the aisle, shouting at the WGL members, who are trying to come to their senses in the ring.]

[We once again see Robbie Hart and Mary-Joe, who look to be sitting down in the middle of a movie theatre. A huge explosion is heard on screen and Mary-Joe springs up in great offense! Robbie Hart looks concerned!]

Mary-Joe: THAT'S BULL!

Hart: What?

Mary-Joe: That is such bull! You can tell a man wrote this!

Hart: Well... yeah...

Mary-Joe: Well, of course he would have the sleezy MALE politician saved while the strong woman character blows up!

[The scene expands to show The Duke and DUI making out next to them. The Duke stops and looks at Mary-Joe!]

The Duke: Be quiet woman! The Duke is trying to kisseth the necketh down on her semi noody poo swedish fish butt!

Hart: At least sit down!

Mary-Joe: Not while this travesty is ocurring!

Hart: It was done to increase story telling. It wouldn't have made sense for ...

Mary-Joe: For the man to die! Of course, it is never the man!

[Suddenly, a big man stands up and looks at Mary-Joe!]

Man: Be quiet! Me and my kids are trying to enjoy the film!

Mary-Joe: You are taking kids to this? It is just teaching them that women should be blown up in oil fires and that men should choose to save other men instead of the woman!

Man: Shut up, you stupid bitch!

[The gentlemen's kids look offended at what their father just said! Suddenly, Robbie Hart gets up and stands up and begins to speak for Mary-Joe!]

Hart: How dare you? This lady is just speaking her mind on something that is bothering her! I wish more women were like this! She isn't going to back down to anyone, not even an unfit parent as yourself!

[Mary-Joe actually looks impressed for a moment, but then catches herself!]

Mary-Joe: I don't need your help when it comes to defending myself to this mongoloid!

Man: I don't even know that what that means!

Hart: Doesn't surprise me! With a sixth grade education and all!

[Everyone has their eyes on these three as the man pushes Robbie Hart back down to his seat, but then Mary-Joe pushes the man back! Ushers hurry in and try to detain Robbie and Mary-Joe, as well as the big man! Mary-Joe is carted away followed by Hart by the ushers!]

Wilden: Hart must be in love. He usually doesn't stand up for himself even to children, let alone fully grown men.

Pilchard: Love works in mysterious ways Lance. But Hart's pretty lucky ushers broke it up before it came time for Hart to put up or shut up.

Wilden: Getting back to what's important folks, and that's the action. We got some great action coming right up as Jacob Baxter takes on Barrett Hawk.

["F****in' in the Bushes" by Oasis begins to play in the arena as the crowd almost simultaneously begins to boo]

Wilden: Here comes Jacob Baxter! We haven't seen him since Slam in the Sand where Josh Cantrell defeated for the United States championship. Boy, am I glad to be able to say that again without being pestered.

Pilchard: Ah yes. The Beast of Sydenham. Here's a guy who has the John Pilchard seal of quality. He may have lost the ahem, F.C.U.K. Title to Cantrell, to be re-established as the U.S. Title, but make no mistake Baxter, he's a fighter! He's rough. He's gritty. Nobody can deny that he put up an amazing fight on Sunday, not even you, Lance!

Wilden: Maybe so. It doesn't erase his questionable actions that got him the title in the first place.

Pilchard: Questionable acts? All Baxter did was ask Johnny Serious and Josh Cantrell for their attention, they left him ignored, so he had to do the only thing that seems to get anyone's attention anymore and take their jewelry away.

Dixon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Entering the ring first, weighing in at two hundred and thirty five pounds. He hails from Sydenham, London England. He is Jacoooooob Baxteeeeeer!

[Baxter makes his way down the aisle and around the ring to the time keeper table. He grabs the microphone out of Donna Dixon's grasp and rolls into the ring. As his music fades he looks out at the crowd, showering him with jeers. He smirks at them. We see Baxter's healing scars from his battle with Josh Cantrell before the music fades]

Baxter: Allo. Miss me?

[The crowd responds in a mixture of boos and "NO!"]

Baxter: Well don't I have egg all over my face? Your hero, the poster boy for birth control, Josh Cantrell finally got his revenge? Like a lost character in the Wizard of Oz, he grew a pair and took care of ol' Jacob, didn't he? Then you come out here on Driven all smug, sucking up to the crowd with a jersey for some rundown local professional sports team, and celebrate. Yet you take a moment to give me credit. "Ohh, I respect Jacob Baxter. la di da!" You should have respected me long before that. You should have respected me when I made you look like the wanker you are! When I had you and Serious on the mat at Glory. I look at it and all I see is another piece of your ploy to suck the ingenuine emotion from this audience! You do it because you care too much of their opinion! Since really, that'll keep the belt around your waist, won't it? I will say that our match went close, but lady luck was on your side that night. You were mine in that structure, Joshy! I had you on your knees! Just like me, you had the taste of chain link fence and blood in your mouth for days after, yet I know you had it worse than me! You brush me off by trying to make me look good and suck up to me with your little respect line and turn to Chandler Edsel Dalmon! Wrong move turning your back on me!

[Baxter stops and paces for the moment, before looking towards the hard camera]

Baxter: With that belt now around your waist, I’m going to make it feel like it is a curse more than an award! I do not take my defeats as missteps. I see it as motivation. You know bloody well that the Beast of Sydenham will get his comeuppance on you! Enjoy it while you have it, because it will be taken away again, and once again you will be reminded that you are weak and a man only driven by fear and false pride, Joshy. You know there is nothing worse than a Beast on the prowl!

Pilchard: What did I tell ya Lance.

Baxter: It seems I've gotten myself all fired up now. Conveniently, I do have a match next. I think i'm about ready for it, yea?

Wilden: Baxter is if anything relentless.

Pilchard: You gotta love a man who knows not the meaning of the word quit. People praise Josh Cantrell for persevering through the bumps in the road he's overcome, but nobody praises Baxter for not allowing himself to slip like that, well I am now. The wrestling world needs more people of his ilk.

Wilden: Some would argue that he wouldn't have held that Title so quickly in his cWo career if it wasn't for his "Bastardly shenanigans."

Pilchard: That's not an argument, that's a fact Lance, is that something you're gonna hold against him?

Wilden: There's much more respectful ways to climb the ladder to success in cWo.

Pilchard: Well if we treated guys like Josh Cantrell with respect, respect wouldn't mean anything now would it?

[Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man" hits the P.A. system. Once the song begins to pick up steam Barrett Hawk comes out from the entrance-way, sporting a cowboy hat, while he clutches the top corners of an American Flag to his wrists, keeping his hands to his shoulders, wrapping the flag around him as he walks down the aisle, taking a hand off his shoulder to wave at the fans]

Dixon: And his opponent. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds, hailing from Sulphur, Oklahoma...Barreeeeeeett Hawk !
Wilden: If you ask me, it seems Baxter purposely wanted to speak his piece before his match to get him fired up for Barrett Hawk. This will be an interesting match with Barrett Hawk's more technical style and Baxter's more striking oriented arsenal.

Pilchard: Absolutely right, Lance. Baxter is very cerebral. He gets in to the psyche of his opponents. But I highly doubt Baxter needs any psychological edge over Barrett Hawk, Hawk's already got a monkey on his back and that monkey's hiding in "The Canadian Gigolo" Mike Logan's trousers.

Wilden: That's a disgusting joke and it's a disgusting situation. Mike Logan last week made some choice words regarding Barrett Hawk and the woman he loves and there is no call for Logan to behave the way he does.

[Once in the ring he stands on the second rope, and raises both arms in the air, dropping the American flag with both hands showing a gesture of love. Baxter looks on]

Pilchard: Hey, chalk it up to guys like Heretic and this man, Jacob Baxter Wilden. It almost seems easier to climb the ladder by getting inside a guys mind than to pin his shoulders on the mat. Although in this case I feel Logan's doing it simply to be cruel.

[The music fades and both men are in their respective corners as Hector Garcia calls for the bell]

DING DING DING

Wilden: There’s the bell and Baxter charges Barrett Hawk connecting with a back elbow! Knee lift to Hawk’s face! The Beast of Sydenham follows up with a DDT!

Pilchard: If Cantrell knows what’s best for him, he’d be observing this match right now.

Wilden: Jacob Baxter now driving the boots to Hawk. Baxter now pulling up Hawk and he tosses him into the corner! Baxter goes for a Hooligan Kick but Hawk gets out of the way! Hawk drives a forearm into Baxter’s back! He follows up with a European Uppercut! Barrett Hawk with a knife-edged chop that echoes throughout the arena! Snapmare out of the corner! Hawk drops a snap leg drop! He covers…

ONE

Wilden: Baxter kicks out!

Pilchard: Barrett Hawk needs to lay off the moonshine if he thinks that’ll put away Jacob Baxter!

Wilden: Hawk climbing to the second rope as Jacob Baxter gets to his feet! Barrett Hawk with an elbow driven down on to Baxter’s head! Baxter’s shaken up now. Barrett Hawk off the ropes, but Baxter gets out of the way of a lariat attempt! Counters with a Hooligan Kick!

Pilchard: I believe in Jacob Baxter’s homeland sport of “Football”, THAT would have been a goal, Lance.

Widen: The Bastard now lifting Barrett to his feet. He locks in a headlock and begins to crank on Hawk’s neck. Baxter drives an illegal fist into Hawk’s head! Hey ref! Do something about that! He stops before the five count ends, but manages to connect with a few more punches. Baxter continues to twist Hawk’s head though in that lock as the fans start to rally support for Barrett Hawk. Hawk trying to lift Baxter up in a counter, but Baxter’s got that pressure applied and Hawk’s not going anywhere!

Pilchard: Great work by Jacob Baxter, he's absolutely owning Barrett Hawk, wearing him down, reducing that circulation to the brain, and ultimately weakening him for an inevitable finish. Cheers to Baxter on his technique.

Wilden: Maybe so, but this crowd is getting louder and louder and Barrett Hawk seems to be soaking up this electricity! He manages to make a few steps and yes! He gets his foot on the rope! Baxter still refusing to let go though…he does before the five count. Hawk holding his neck in pain. Baxter goes for a European Uppercut, Barrett Hawk manages to block it! He returns with a haymaker! Another haymaker! Hawk takes a step back and connects with a high leg lariat! He’s got Baxter down. Hawk goes to the outside apron and he lands a flipping senton! The crowd is going crazy! Barrett Hawk clearly favoring his neck though before covering…

ONE

TWO

Wilden: Hawk on the comeback trail, but it’s not enough yet! Barrett Hawk lifting Baxter up, pummeling him with a forearm to the back on the way. Hawk hooks Baxter’s arms and flips him over with a Butterfly Suplex! The crowd really behind Hawk now. Barrett Hawk now climbing to the top rope!

Pilchard: What’s Hawk doing? He’s already got Baxter down. If that redneck knew better, he’d COVER!

[Billy Squire’s “The Stroke” suddenly starts playing in the arena. Barrett Hawk stops halfway up the ropes and looks around. “The Canadian Gigolo” Mike Logan walks into the arena carrying something under his arm]

Wilden: What in the hell? It’s Mike Logan! What’s he doing here and WHAT does he have with him?

Pilchard: I’m surprised you don’t know, Lance. Robbie Hart tells me you’re not a stranger to inflatable love dolls.

Wilden: Someone needs to tell Robbie to SHUT UP!

[Logan stands at the end of the entrance aisle now waving the blowup doll at Hawk.]

Wilden: Is that “Charlene” written on the blowup doll’s stomach? How despicable of Mike Logan!

Pilchard: You can tell he's just in love with himself after this one. Writing his lady's name on a blow up doll. In the words of my great friend Mr. Rich that is just low class.

Wilden: Coming from you of all people. Hawk tries to ignore Mike Logan as he perches himself up top. Hawk launches off the top rope with the COUNTRY BUMP! BUT Baxter rolls out! That was a rough landing for Hawk and he’s definitely gonna have some trouble sitting down later! Baxter stands up and drives a leg into Hawk’s back! Baxter kips up! He kicks Barrett Hawk in the back! Baxter with another kick! Baxter follows with a roundhouse kick to Barrett Hawk’s head! Baxter covers!

ONE

TWO

THREE!

DING DING DING

Wilden: That Bastard has done it again! I cannot believe it! All thanks to Mike Logan!

Donna Dixon: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…JACOB “THE BASTARD” BAXTER!!!

[Baxter gets his hand raised in victory as “F***in’ in the Bushes blasts in the arena. He makes his way up the aisle as Mike Logan makes his way to ringside. As Baxter appears to have left the arena victorious, we see Barrett coming to his senses in mid ring as Mike Logan, armed with his blow up doll and a microphone enters the ring with his typical arrogant smile.]

Logan: Well, apparently after last week, "The Canadian Gigolo" got sent to the principal's office and was told that I may have crossed a line last week with what I said. I got to thinking about what Mr. Awesome said and... he's right. I did cross the line last week and I realize that now.

[Hawk breathes heavily, a little out of it after his match with Baxter as he requests a mic, which Donna Dixon offers, Barrett looks irate, squeezing on the handle quite furiously as he responds.]

Hawk: Crossed the line? Crossed the line!? You make it sound like you're apologizin' when all I see is a man standing in front of me, pretendin' to be sorry while holdin' a blow up doll with my lady's god damn name on it!

Logan: Hold on, "Hop-along", I'm not done yet. Instead of having to go through the trouble and get my hands dirty while risking getting "The Clap" from your beast of a girlfriend, I'll let you off the hook by assisting you in picturing just what that night with her would be like by showing you in full detail on this blow-up doll what I'd do to satisfy Charlene, even if that meant screwing her in a very uncomfortable place, and I'm not talking about the back of a Volkswagon either!

[Barrett Hawk quickly shoves Mike Logan in the chest, knocking him in a sitting position as Mike Logan quickly holds the blow up doll in front of him to shield himself, and his mic in the other as the crowd cheers.]

Hawk: If you're getting physical with anyone Mike Logan it's gonna be me! How about it! Apologize about crossing lines while crossin' others at the same time, you make me sick! Eye of the Storm is coming up-

[Mike Logan gets back to his feet as he once again interrupts Hawk.]

Logan: Wait! Hold on a minute Hayseed... let's not do anything we'd regret here. Because I'd really hate for Charlene to see her man get humiliated by a man that is two hundred and forty three pounds of walking, talking sex appeal while you, my friend... your type is more suited for going back to Oklahoma and dating your sister.

Wilden: Unbelievable.

[Fans boo as Logan continues.]

Logan: Either way, it's not a wrestling match I'm looking for... all I'm out here to ask you is, well...

[Logan closes in on Barrett, getting in his face.]

Logan: I need you to show me on the doll...What's Charlene's sweet spot?

Wilden: My god...

[Cameras close in on Barrett, who can hardly comprehend the disrespect being served to him at the hands of Mike Logan. Barrett immediately takes Logan down with a double leg takedown and mounts punches to the face, as Logan continues trying to shield himself with "Charlene."]

Wilden: And Logan getting exactly what's coming to him!

Pilchard: He's getting what he WANTS Barrett to bring him.

Wilden: How could anyone want this?

[Fans go wild as Barrett unleashes, getting sick of the sight of "Charlene," Barrett quickly pops the doll and throws it aside, landing in the hands of a fan near the front row, as Logan uses the distraction to get out of the ring, rubbing his jaw with his right hand as he stumbles backwards.]

Wilden: There's no way Logan could have wanted this! He thought he could go all this time picking on Barrett without consequences! Well how do you like those consequences Mike Logan!

Pilchard: Please...

[Barrett tries to follow after him but much like last week officials and staff come out from backstage to prevent him from furthering his assault.]

Wilden: It's gotta be killing Barrett not to be able to get his hands on scum like Mike Logan.

Pilchard: You see? That right there, that's what Logan wants.

Wilden: It makes no sense for a man to want to infuriate someone else so much, so needlessly.

Pilchard: It's like I said before Wilden...

[As Pilchard continues, cameras see Mike Logan to the dismay of the fans, gyrating his hips on the stage area as an irate Barrett Hawk tries to push out of the grip of the officials and staff to get a piece of him.]

Pilchard: Tony Awesome has a pretty easy time sending his boys to keep Barrett Hawk here from physically harming Logan, but there's nothing Awesome can do to keep Logan from mentally destroying Barrett Hawk. Isn't it funny how that works?

Wilden: Now a month ago you were pining for Tony Awesome to be the sole man in power.

Pilchard: I'm not taking anything away from him, I'm just telling you that right now Heretic's created a world where it's easier to make a statement by changing the way a man sees the world than it is to win a wrestling match. I'm not saying it's the way it should be, it's simply the way it is.

Wilden: You don't like it? You're just as bad as Logan!

Pilchard: The things I've done, or my client and best friend Nick Dangerous have done, don't compare to what guys like Logan do to people. Dangerous and I are men who do what needs to be done for the better of cWo, what Logan does is soley for himself, he's rich, talented and good looking and loves no one but himself.

Wilden: That last part sounds like someone I know.

Pilchard: If you're thinking of me you have the wrong impression...

Wilden: Well let's try to forget about Barrett's bad luck here and take a break folks.

[Johnny Serious is backstage talking to Tiffany Tolberg]

Tolberg: Thanks Lance, and hello Johnny, at Slam in the Sand, you took yourself to new limits to defeat Nick Dangerous. A victory that your body may never recover from. Last week, we saw you come out and issue a challenge to Heretic, but he in my opinion, rudely declined….

Serious: That’s right Tiffany, Heretic acted in a rude behavior. But I am not bothered. What else can you expect from someone who takes a piece of History like the cWo World Title and totally desecrates it by painting it black. To me, the cWo World Title represents being the best that cWo has to offer. And for a brief moment in time, I was connected to that history. But it’s not about what I have done. It’s about what every other champion has done. What every other champion has accomplished. There is a long list of great champions. Hell, even Nick Dangerous held that title with a little more pride then Heretic. I am not here to say I deserve the Title more then anyone else in the locker room, but I feel I have earned the right to restore the once prestigious World Title.

Tolberg: So you are willing to step into the ring with the unpredictable Heretic?

Johnny Serious: Are you SERIOUS? After my match with Nick Dangerous at Slam In The Sand, I am willing to go into any battle. Like I said last week, a part of me came out of that match with Dangerous that I can never put away. And Heretic came out spouting out how Andrew Phillips was not the challenge he expected. First off, Phillips was a fine Champion, and no disrespect to him, but I can take Heretic to a new place even he has never been before. He talks about how we’re all toys for him to play with but once the champion is issued a SERIOUS challenge, his game ends and the man back peddles. So once again, this week, I issue a SERIOUS challenge to Heretic. Heretic, will you accept my challenge and put up the BLACK BELT in a match against me!!!!!

[Johnny Serious stares into the camera as the camera changes to Jason Duran walking into the catering areas with an earpiece seen in his ear. He scans the tables, where several cWo wrestlers sit, enjoying their catered meal. In the middle of them sits Heretic, sitting at the longest table by himself. On his table sits a tray covered in the remains of his meal, and doused ina mountain of ketchup. The black cWo title is face down on the table next to his tray. He plays with two Johnny Serious action figures, making laser noises]

Heretic: Pew Pew Pew.... aaaagh

[He drops the second Johnny Serious figure into the ketchup on his tray]

Heretic: Ha Ha.. I SERIOUSLY shot you for SERIOUS.

[Duran clears his throat. Heretic looks up at him.]

Heretic: What?

Duran: Johnny Serious just issued you another challenge, Heretic. Are you going to keep blowing him off?

Heretic: What does Johnny Serious have to offer me, Jason? What can be learned from facing him? NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. Serious doesn't GET IT, Jason. It's not about TALKING TOUGH! Didn't he learn anything the last few months? Wasn't he PAYING ATTENTION?! I'm not interested in Johnny Serious, because I KNOW Johnny Serious. I know that he doesn't have what it takes to, I know that he won't do what he needs to do. There's someone in cWo who needs my help, Jason... there's someone in cWo with something to offer, and I THINK he's almost ready! In the meantime, I'll be waiting.

[Heretic stands up, trying to get the attention of the other cWo wrestlers.]

Heretic: But then again, if someone were to say... STEP UP and I don't know, DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE like, for example, TAKING OUT JOHNNY SERIOUS... I may be open to WORKING SOMETHING OUT!

[Heretic starts to walk away, leaving the world title belt on the table with his action figures.]

Duran: You're forgetting something..

[Heretic quickly turns around, Duran flinches. Heretic looks around, notices the belt and smiles.]

Heretic: HA! Silly me.

[He picks up the belt and puts it on his shoulder, not bothering to clean off the ketchup and food particles it's picked up from the table.]

Heretic: You know, I'd lose my MIND if it wasn't attatched.

Wilden: So Heretic instead of giving us a World Title match is instead take after Nick Dangerous and avoid his challenge...

Pilchard: I don't think Heretic is avoiding anything. There's a reason people tremble when they're in Heretic's presence and it's not because Heretic's a coward, it's because he's clinically insane. I hate Johnny Serious' guts and even I wouldn't wish Heretic on him.

Wilden: Those are some strong words. I don't think Serious will take it to heart though.

Pilchard: I don't expect that idiot to listen to anything I have to say. It's not even up to him anymore, I'm gonna be reading the cWo website tonight to see who the first man is to jump him, you know someone's gonna be all over that, Lance.

DING DING DING

Dixon: The following match is a women’s tag team match, and is scheduled for one fall, and the second match of the night which the winners will receive three points towards their position in the eight woman gauntlet!

[If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home
You say: If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home!
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S
We flying the first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I won’t change
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy]

Dixon: Entering the ring first, hailing from Manhattan, New York, Eeeeeveeeeette!

Pilchard: Well allow me to welcome Mr. Rich's beautiful, simply beautiful wife.

Wilden: Don't you mean "glamorous?"

Pilchard: I've never been one to jump at the obvious.

[Evette makes her way down to the ring, wearing short female shorts with a dollar sign printed on the ass and a GLAMOROUS tee shirt. She steps in the ring through the lower rope, walks to the center of the ring, and gives a smile and waves to the fans who are obviously hate her.]

Donna Dixon: And her tag team partner, hailing from Sorel, Quebec, Canada, Jeeezeeeebeeeel!

[The lights go out and turn a crimson shade of red as we begin to hear "Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythms Of The War Drums" by A Perfect Circle play over the P.A. system. As soon as the words begin to play over the P.A. system, we see Jezebel come out from behind the curtain, decked out in a black Misfits T-Shirt with the white spooky face & blood spatter on it, black fishnet pantyhose on her arms a la Jeff Hardy, fingernails painted black, with baggy black pants with chains on them as she seems to be carrying a railroad spike covered with dried blood in her hands with a twisted, depraved look on her face.]

Wilden: Will these two be able to get along tonight.

Pilchard: I don't think they have a choice. Ms. Rich is gonna want those points so she and her legendary husband Mr. Rich can climb to the top of the mountain hand in hand.

Wilden: Unfortunately Evette's at a disadvantage to her husband, as her opponents typically don't share the same genitalia as Mr. Rich.

Pilchard: Lance I'm not filling Hart's shoes to listen to you make judgment calls on people like that. Stick to play by play.

[Jezebel makes her way to the ring not even making eye contact with the fans and a very evil smile on her face. She slides in the ring on her stomach under the bottom rope before she climbs to the nearest turnbuckle and holds her bloody railroad spike in the air just gazing at it hypnotically as she spits in the direction of the fans and curses them in French. She then lays her railroad spike on the apron and sits down in the turnbuckle with a very unstable look in her eyes as Evette gives her a look of almost utter disgust.]

Donna Dixon: And there opponents, first, from Defiance, Ohio, Meghaaaaan Cooooonklin!

[The lights dim and flicker continually in a strobe light pattern of pink & purple as "Poem" by Taproot begins to play over the P.A. system as fog begins to cover the entrance. We then see Meghan Conklin jump out from the smoke, full of energy getting the crowd pumped up for her. She stops at the ramp]

Donna Dixon: And her partner, from Pittsburg , P.A. she is Phantasyyyyyy!

["Violator Girl" by Black Stone Cherry roars from the PA and Phantasy emerges from the back full of energy and ready for her match as she slaps hands with the fans. She joins Meghan Conklin and they both make their way to the ring.]

Wilden: These two are more unified, and one would have to think that being on the same page will be a huge factor in this tag team match.

Pilchard: Many consider tag team wrestling to be a lost art, use our former tag team division as evidence of that. The new millenium is just hasn't been kind to tag team wrestling. You'd usually be lucky to see anyone working together these days.

[Each Team goes to their respective corner.]

DING DING DING

Wilden: And as Conklin and Phantasy talk it over, Evette quickly goes on the apron, allowing Jezebel to start the match.. And now Conklin in the ring as well, and we are under way.

[Jezebel runs towards Conklin and delivers a set of Open Palm Strikes to the face]

Wilden: And Jezebel not wasting any time, and as you know, this tag match matters in the realm of the women’s title.

[Jezebel pushes Conklin to a neutral corner and unloads a set of Elbow Strikes to the chest of Conklin. Jezebel then drags Conklin to the center of the ring by the hair and ….]

Wilden: Jezebel with a roundhouse kick to the back of the head and now Jezebel going for the pin cover

ONE

TWO

Wilden: And Conklin kicks out.

[Conklin to her feet and quickly runs to her corner and slaps in Phantasy to the delight of the fans]

Wilden; And Phantasy now in…

[Jezebel looks over to her corner but Evette shakes her head no]

Wilden: and Evette wants no part of this match, especially if it involves Phantasy.

Pilchard: Evette's never been one to play by anyone's rules. An admirable trait in any situation excluding tag team matches. You have to be a team player to be successful in tag team wrestling.

Wilden: I think it has to do with Evette losing to Phantasy at Slam in the Sand, but what do I know, I’m just the play by play!

Pilchard: Yeah but once Hart's back you'll be back to your regular oddball assumptions. Evette has nothing to be afraid of, she's beaten Phantasy before, she's simply picking her spots.

[Jezebel runs towards Phantasy with a clothesline, but Phantasy ducks, turns around, and hits a drop kick to Jezebel. Phantasy runs towards a neutral corner, hops on the second turnbuckle, and hits a moonsault into a pin]

ONE

TWO

THR

Wilden: And Jezebel kicks out. And this one was almost over rather quickly.

Pilchard: I'm sure Jezebel can go all night if she wants to, she strikes me as the type to enjoy this kind of punishment.

Wilden: Well hopefully for her sake, because I don't think Evette's gonna be of any use.

[Jezebel up to her feet as Phantasy runs towards Jezebel, but Jezebel grabs Phantasy by the hair, and brings her close to hit a FLOAT OVER DDT. Jezebel sits down, and applies the ANACONDA VICE. The move is only held for a moment as Phantasy is able to stretch her leg to a rope as the ref tells Jezebel to break the hold]

Wilden: Phantasy in a lot of pain as Jezebel walks over to her corner and tags in Evette.

[Evette gracefully enters the ring, walks over to Phantasy , picks her up, and hits a Running Bull Dog, but as Phantasy goes down, is some how able to stretch her hand out and tag in Conklin as the crowd cheers.]

Wilden: And CONKLIN is in and EVETTE is stunned. Conklin is fresh.

Pilchard: But not as fresh as Evette.

Wilden: A lot more ambitious, however.

[Conklin jumps in, quickly goes for a hip toss on Evette. Evette stands up quick and Conklin hits another hip toss. Evette back up, goes for an Oh-2, but Evette counters, lifting Conklin into the Electric Chair as Jezebel stands up on the top turnbuckle, but CONKLIN wiggles into a top Rope Victory Roll for a pin]

ONE

TWO

THRE…

Wilden: And Evette narrowly kicks out.

[Jezebel runs in and goes to clothesline Conklin but PHANTASY with a cross body dive, takes Jezebel out of the ring, Phantasy rolling out just behind her and the two go at it on the outside. As the ref has his back turned, Evette grabs an object out of her trunks and smacks Conklin in the back of the head. She then quickly shoves it back in her trunks and goes for the pin as the ref turns around]

ONE

TWO

THREE

DING DING DING

Pilchard: That's the way to do it!

Dixon: The winners of this match by pinfall, Evette and Jezebel!

Wilden: And once again, Evette cheats her way to a victory….just like her husband!

Pilchard: Cheating is a subjective term Lance.

Wilden: Subjective?

Pilchard: Yeah.

Wilden: Cheating is cheating, John!

Pilchard: In the nineties it used to be the popular thing to say, that "cheaters never win." But obviously here we saw Evette and Jezebel win, so how could they have cheated?

Wilden: Whatever helps you sleep at night John.

Pilchard: What? Did that not make sense?

Wilden: Not at all.

Pilchard: Fine. I didn't expect you to understand it anyways...

[Cameras switch to the backstage area where Andrew Phillips is standing along in the locker room area.]

Mr. Rich: Hey Champ....oooh...eh...sorry about that...buddy

[Mr. Rich gives a grin like he knows he did something wrong, but still finds it humorous]

Mr. Rich: Listen Drew....can I call you Drew...I mean to me, that is more of a distinguished name then Andy....anyways....

Phillips:[Shrugs] What do you want?

Mr. Rich: Right now, you’re crying over losing the World Title...and I can see that, I mean, it was a terrible loss....but I know you. You don't let things bother you. Only low class scum wallow in their self pitty....and that is not you.

[Phillips just sits there.....]

Mr. Rich: Now go and demand that you have a match next week....because sitting here, week after week without a match only makes you less of man then you all ready are. I mean look at me. Last week I beat Barrett Hawk, and you. You sat here. I mean, you didn’t even question the fact that you don’t have a rematch clause in your contract. I mean wow….who negotiated that contract for you.

[Mr. Rich shakes his head]

Mr. Rich: Oh well, good chatting with you Drew!

[Mr. Rich walks away as Phillips just puts his head down and shrugs his shoulders.]

["Superstar" by Saliva hits the PA and the crowd immediately goes to a deafening roar. Not long after Chris Michaels makes his way out of the entrance way.]

Pilchard: This guy on the other hand.

Wilden: Here he comes John!

Pilchard: Who cares?

Wilden: Surely you have some interest in who he's bringing out tonight to face your buddy Nick Dangerous?

Pilchard: I'm interested in if this person is gonna be recognizable at the end of this. I have no interest in a washed up wrestler who was forced into becoming a second rate journalist like Tolberg and Duran because he can't get the job done in the ring anymore!

Dixon: Please welcome to the ring everyone, "HotShot" Chris Michaels!

[The fans cheer as Michaels makes his way down to the ring. He mounts the second turnbuckle, giving his one fist salute to his loyal fans.]

Wilden: He actually chose to be a journalist because you practically forced Tony Awesome to do you a favor and not hire him as a wrestler.

Pilchard: Well I believe deep down inside Awesome is thanking me for keeping him from wrestling in this company. Michaels should be thanking me especially for keeping him from tarnishing his own reputation!

[Michaels pats Donna Dixon on the shoulder and takes the mic.]

HotShot: Well, let's see....World Champion, world leader, world renouned Journalist and now...matchmaker!

Pilchard: Give me a break.

[The crowd pops as Michaels continues.]

HotShot: Well Mr. Dangerous, since I can't lay a finger on you myself "they've" decided to let me find someone who can.

Pilchard: This is outrageous! I'm going to have to have a word or two with Tony Awesome.

HotShot: I searched long and hard around the locker room and I had to find just the right guy.

Pilchard: Because no one in the back's ever heard of Chris Michaels

Wilden: Be quiet!

HotShot: I had to find someone who, after last week, was crazy enough to get in the ring with the man who is *sing songy voice* now a weapon. I could've thrown another young lion at you Nick, but I figured Nah....I'll find someone a little bit better. You know, the great thing about being a cWo corporate employee is access to all the cWo history in the tape library. So I spent a few hours this week watching some tapes, looking for someone who knew you Nick. Someone who not only is strong enough of a competitor to hold a victory over you, but someone who also held a victory over me.

Pilchard: Well, if we're just talking about beating Michaels, we've sure got a long enough line. Nick...not so much.

HotShot: So Nick, tonight, you won't be facing another rookie, you won't get to torture someone right in front of me, you get to face a sick, crazy bastard. Nick Dangerous, let me introduce your opponent!

[Michaels hands the mic back to Donna Dixon as "Grasshopper" by Sander van Doorn plays over the arena, and spotlights go around the crowd before appearing on J.J. Carter, as he walks through the crowd and towards the ring.]

Wilden: J.J. Carter!

Pilchard: Ha! J.J. Carter? Nick Dangerous has the week off folks!

Wilden: I wouldn't be so sure of myself John.

Pilchard: He searched far and wide backstage and he came out with J.J. Carter?

Wilden: Do I have to remind you J.J. Carter has a victory over Nick Dangerous?

Pilchard: He needed help, Wilden. Hardly a win.

Wilden: Earlier tonight you were telling me that it takes a true general to bend the rules without breaking them, and now you wanna tell me Carter never beat Dangerous?

Pilchard: Would you have considered that a win yourself Lance? On your own standards?

Wilden: Well maybe at the time no, but the way you're back pedalling makes me think J.J. might have won after all!

[J.J. makes it to the ring as Chris Michaels respectfully shakes his hand, as the two await Nick Dangerous.]

Dixon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and in the ring now stands at one hundred and ninety five pounds, hailing from Bridgeport, Connecticut, he is J.J. Carteeeeeeeer!

[Fans pop as his theme music begins to die down.]

Pilchard: This has got to be a bad joke.

Wilden: What if J.J. wins this?

Pilchard: He won't.

["Fanfare for the Common Man" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer then hits the PA system.]

Wilden: But what if he does?

Pilchard: He won't.

Wilden: So you're telling me there's zero chance of J.J. Carter winning tonight.

Pilchard: Absolutely zero possibility.

Wilden: But still, what if?

Pilchard: Then I'll weep uncontrollably! What do you want me to say Lance?

[Nick Dangerous then starts making his way out of the entrance way as Pilchard continues.]

Pilchard: On second thought I don't wanna know. What matters is Nick Dangerous is coming out, and the countdown to Carter's extinction has begun.

Dixon: And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred and forty five pounds, he hails from Edmonton, Alberta Canada. He is The Weapon, Nick Daaaaaangerous!

Wilden: Nick's face is emotionless, expressionless. I don't know what he did to himself his suspension before Slam in the Sand but it's left him with even less of a sense of humor than he's had before.

Pilchard: His mind is on one thing Lance, the W on the recordbooks. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Nick Dangerous makes it to the stairs as Pilchard continues.]

Pilchard: I don't think you've properly embraced the fact that Nick Dangerous has changed his philosophy in the ring.

Wilden: Forgive me for being skeptical that one of the biggest schemers I've seen in this business claims to be a changed man.

DING DING DING

Wilden: And we're ready to go here.

[Nick Dangerous immediately wraps around J.J. Carter with a waistlock.]

Wilden: Dangerous getting the upper hand right away here.

[Dangerous then takes J.J. down with a belly to back takedown.]

Wilden: Takes him down...

[With the waistlock still applied, J.J. gets to a seated position, but Nick tightens the waistlock to prevent J.J. from getting any further.]

Pilchard: How's J.J. gonna survive Nick Dangerous Lance?

[J.J. sends an elbow backwards to the side of Nick's head.]

Wilden: Ooh! We're just getting started John.

[In a reaction to the elbow Nick tosses J.J. aside towards the corner, as Nick takes a wrestling stance again, while Carter regroups.]

Pilchard: If this match were for points J.J. would be disqualified already.

Wilden: Well this isn't for points. We got a tie up!

[As they lock horns, Nick quickly trips J.J. to his back with a standing STO, and mounts him trying to apply a key lock.]

Wilden: Nick going for the submission.

[Carter grabs a hold of the ropes.]

Wilden: Referee Aaron Blake breaking the hold, Nick still trying to get that key lock in regardless!

Pilchard: He's an animal Lance.

Wilden: Whatever he is, five seconds wasn't sufficient enough to get the hold applied Nick backs off.

[J.J. looks a little stuck on offensive ideas as audibly we can hear Chris Michaels encourage Carter, saying "you can do this Carter!" as Carter gets to his feet and weerily circles around Dangerous.]

Pilchard: Carter is clueless. How can a thug out wrestle someone like Nick Dangerous?

Wilden: Carter's definitely gotta showcase more of his brawling, he's going about it the wrong way if he's gonna try and outwrestle him. And once again they lock horns.

[As they lock up, Nick backs away, pushing J.J. Carter face first on the mat.]

Wilden: Just plants Carter!

Pilchard: Dangerous Armbar! He's gonna put him away early!

Wilden: No! Not quite!

[J.J. rolls out of the armbar, Nick still wraps both hands around J.J.'s wrist as the two get to their feet, Nick takes Carter back down to the mat.]

Wilden: Nick Dangerous with an armdrag!

Pilchard: What's J.J. trying to prove here?

[Carter slams his fists on the mat in frustration as Michaels whispers in his ear at the side. Nick takes his wrestling stance again.]

Wilden: He's needlessly frustrating himself but I think the strategy was to beat Nick at his own game early to make him lose some confidence.

Pilchard: Well Nick's confidence has peaked out, surely you can admit that.

Wilden: He's definitely been living up to his name as of late.

[Nick steps to the middle of the ring as he raises his right hand, opening his palm.]

Pilchard: Haha, just embarassing him now, he wants to go for the test of strength.

Wilden: And it looks like Carter's gonna oblige here.

[Carter locks wrists with Dangerous, and immediately pops him in the mouth with his free left hand.]

Wilden: Vicious left from Carter knocking Nick down!

[Nick recovers, running into a right hand to knock him down again.]

Wilden: That's the stuff Carter!

[Nick gets up again, taking a fighting stance as he puts up his fists, but gets floored again as Carter sends him to the mat with a discus punch.]

Wilden: Put some polish on that one! Nick is down! And the pin!

ONE

Wilden: But it's not gonna do!

Pilchard: In his dreams.

Wilden: Carter following up with a chin lock. Trying to capitalize on this surprising offense.

[Nick brings himself to his feet quickly as he shakes J.J. off with a snap mare.]

Wilden: Nick shakes him off....

[Nick a little groggily approaches a recovering Carter, as Carter brings Nick down with a running double leg takedown.]

Wilden: J.J. shoots at Dangerous with the leg takedown! And now he's hammering away! Rights and left hands! Nick trying to protect himself!

Pilchard: Do something Blake!

[Blake starts a five count but before long Nick catches Carter's charging right hands, as he starts pulling his arm towards the mat.]

Pilchard: Look at that!

Wilden: Nick captured his arm, looks like he's going for another Dangerous Armbar!

Pilchard: That armbar is unpredictable Lance, sooner or later he's gonna get trapped.

Wilden: Well he's still struggling to get him down on the mat here..

[Carter flinches out of it quickly, as he gets to his feet, still bent over as Nick desperately graps onto his wrist with both hands.]

Wilden: Nick does not wanna let go of that arm.

[Nick presses Carters hand on the mat as he quickly steps on it before Carter can pull away.]

Wilden: Ooh!

Pilchard: Brilliant strategy by Dangerous. Take him to a point where delivering those haymakers will do more damage to Carter than to him.

[Carter walks away, clutching his right hand. Nick follows after.]

Wilden: Carter trying to shake it off but Nick shows not making it easy, wristlock now applied!

[Nick applies the wristlock as Carter backs away towards the turnbuckle, prompting Aaron Blake to start a five count.]

Wilden: Those ropes are gonna be Carter's best defense at this stage in the game, Nick's starting to find his niche and that's not good for Carter. That is of course unless Nick gets disqualified, he's really pushing it with the referee's five count.

[After releasing the wrist lock Nick begins exhausting J.J. with knees to the stomache.]

Pilchard: J.J.'s gonna hate himself after tonight for not making better use of the feeling out process, Lance, because he's not getting any breaks now.

[Carter catches one of Nick's knees, and to the approval of the crowd, he spins Nick around so he's backed against the turnbuckle.]

Wilden: He's gonna have to make his own breaks! J.J. now turning the tables with some standing clothelines!

[Carter pounds away on the chest of Nick Dangerous, as Nick becomes more concentrated trying to find a way out.]

Wilden: Just keep at it J.J.!

Pilchard: He can't do this forever!

[Nick catches J.J.'s arm and begins biting his right hand.]

Wilden: Nick is biting Carter's hand!

Pilchard: Just a testament to what I've said time and time again. He's a Weapon, Lance.

Wilden: Said it a little too often as far as I'm concerned.

[Nick wrenches Carter's arm, and aggressively pulls the arm downward, sending J.J. sommersaulting onto his back.]

Pilchard: I repeat it because I don't think it's sunk in yet. Every part of his body is a Weapon. Approach him from every angle and he has a way of hurting you.

[Nick reapplies his wristlock as Carter's trapped in a seated position.]

Wilden: Well so far he's doing a good job of taking rending his right hand a nonfactor in this match.

[J.J. tries to get to his feet but Nick increases the pressure of the hold, bringing him back to a seated position. Carter closes his eyes tight as his fists are clenched as he tries to bring his focus off the pain.]

Wilden: Carter showing great spirit but he's just gotta tough it out and think of something big. He needs something big to even the odds right now.

[Carter pays no mind to the pain as he finally sees to power himself to his feet and take Nick down with an armdrag of his own.]

Wilden: And Carter telling Nick enough is enough with an armdrag!

[Nick gets back to his feet as Carter quickly shakes off the pain in his right hand and dodges Nick as he grabs at him for another move.]

Wilden: All he had to do was weather the storm, and now he needs to knock him out! Carter now against the ropes...

[Carter rebounds as Nick tries for a clothesline.]

Wilden: Ducks the clothesline!

[Nick charges for the ropes opposite of Carter, as the two charge one another, Carter beats Nick to the punch with a charging right hand that connects with Nick's cheekbone.]

Wilden: What a right hand! Carter connects with that running haymaker!

[Nick stumbles backwards out of the ring through the middle and top rope as he falls to his knees on the mat.]

Wilden: That through him for a loop!

Pilchard: But look at J.J.!

[Cameras see J.J. gripping his right wrist clearly feeling the effects of the wrist lock as he follows after Dangerous on the outside.]

Wilden: But it had to be worth it, it looks like J.J. reinvigorated some of the head trauma Nick suffered at Slam in the Sand against Johnny Serious!

Pilchard: J.J. needs to capitalize though, he has a stiff right hand but Nick is still ready for what's next.

[Carter catches up with a woozy Nick Dangerous and brings him to a standing position with a knee to the face.]

Wilden: Ooh, you sure about that? Carter with a hard left to send Nick packing!

[Nick stumbles away from Carter after getting punched in the mouth, trying to collect himself. Quickly he turns around and pulls Carter by the head, trying to slam him head first into the stairs.]

Wilden: Carter almost introduced to steel!

[Carter stops himself by pressing his hands against the stairs, but Nick quickly pounds Carter's right hand with his fist.]

Wilden: Nick back to that hand!

Pilchard: He's not gonna let it heal Lance.

[Nick presses a wounded Carter's hand against the turnbuckle post, as he delivers a haymaker, causing Carter to belt out a loud scream.]

Pilchard: Oh you can feel that Lance. Nick's fist sandwiching Carters hand into that steel.

Wilden: This doesn't look good for him at all.

[Nick rolls Carter into the ring, as Nick nonchalantly follows.]

Wilden: Nick's getting settled again. J.J.'s very unpredictable, it wouldn't be advisable to let him regain his composure.

[Nick slowly steps toward J.J. Carter as he tries to get from his hands and knees to his feet, Nick closes in to stomp on his hand, but J.J. dodges.]

Wilden: J.J. gets out of harms way, schoolboy pin!

ONE

TWO

Pilchard: WHAT!

Wilden: Not quite! Almost made a believer out of you though didn't he John?

Pilchard: Not even close.

[Both men rush to their feet, as Nick stops Carter short with a knee lift.]

Wilden: Nick maintains control with the knee!...ohh and follows up with a gutwrench suplex.

Pilchard: That's it.

[Nick pins Carter.]

ONE

TWO

Wilden: Kickout at two!

[Nick stops before getting to his feet to grab for Carter's arm again, but is lured into a small package pin.]

Wilden: Carter with the small package!

ONE

TWO

Wilden: Kickout!

Pilchard: Carter just relying on shock here! You're not gonna catch Nick Dangerous snoozing pal!

[Nick kicks out as both men get to their feet quickly again, Nick shoots in and wrenches Carter's arm again.]

Wilden: Nick back to the arm, but Carter's still in the game! Just winded Dangerous with a side kick to the chest!

[Nick falls to his knees, clearly gasping for air, Carter goes for another kick, but Nick catches it.]

Wilden: Not winded enough I guess!

[Carter reacts by finishing Nick off with an enziguri as the fans respond with an "ooooh."]

Wilden: But that'll do it! Nick is laid out! Get on him Carter!

Pilchard: He should be thinking about getting rest after the match.

Wilden: Get on him!

[Carter rolls over for the pin.]

ONE

TWO

Wilden: He earned that two count John!

Pilchardt: Let's see him earn a three count!

Wilden: I can sense you're starting to tense up John.

Pilchard: Just call the match, alright?

Wilden: Carter is on his feet, he's just waiting on Nick now.

[Nick slowly gets to his feet, as J.J. meets him halfway, and sets him up in a suplex position.]

Wilden: He's going for...and hits a snap suplex! Floating over for the pin!

ONE

TWO

Wilden: Kickout, but Carter's starting to show his wrestling prowess!

Pilchard: He's gonna have to kill 'im to finish the job.

Wilden: You gotta give it to Carter, before the match it sounded like you didn't even expect a two count in his favor.

Pilchard: When do or die time comes around lots of people will do things they weren't capable of before. I'm not impressed until the pinfall or submission.

Wilden: Carter's always been improving as a wrestler since the day Christian Roman took him under his wing.

Pilchard: It's hardly enough.

Wilden: It's getting there!

[Carter anxiously awaits Nick getting to his feet as the crowd riles up.]

Wilden: What's Carter gonna do next?

[Nick gets up as Carter goes for a hurricanranna.]

Wilden: Hurricannn...no!

[Nick stands his ground as Carter falls back, as Nick hoists him back in a powerbomb situation.]

Wilden: Power..bomm...no not quite!

[Nick shimmies Carter over into a fireman's carry.]

Pilchard: This is what dreams are made of Lance. Danger Driver!

Wilden: No! Carter wriggles free!

[Carter whips a surprised Dangerous into the turnbuckle.]

Wilden: Where's he getting this!

[Carter charges in with a running butt bump but Nick dodges the attack.]

Wilden: Missed him!

[Nick immediately charges for the ropes opposite Carter, and rebounds with a Dangerous Kick, with his heel connecting with Carter's face.]

Pilchard: Dangerous Kick!

Wilden: He hit it!

Pilchard: It's over!

[Nick having caught a second wind, pulls Carter by the foot to the center of the ring, as he pins him.]

Pilchard: Here we go!

ONE

TWO

Wilden: C'mon!

THREE

Wilden: No!

Pilchard: It was only a matter of time Lance!

Wilden: You seem awful relieved now.

Pilchard: Relieved about what? This was a foregone conclusion Lance. I told you before the match.

[Nick sits up after his victory, turning his attention to a disappointed Chris Michaels. The sight of him puts Nick in a frenzy as Nick turns Carter over and puts him in a Dangerous Armbar.]

Wilden: Oh come on now! The match is over! This is a repeat of last week!

Pilchard: He's making a statement. That's all.

Wilden: He already made his statement by winning the match! This is just rubbing it in!

[A concerned Michaels rushes in the ring as he tries pulling Carter out of the armbar.]

Wilden: That's enough! You made your point Nick!

Pilchard: Michaels could easily stop him if he wanted to.

[As pulling Carter out of it seems to just make the hold worse for him, Aaron Blake pulls Nick off of Carter with all his might, as Nick relinquishes the hold, getting to his feet and staring eye to eye with Aaron Blake, who chews Nick out for his attack.]

Pilchard: So the referee has a bigger set than Michaels.

Wilden: Chris Michaels can't lay a finger on Nick or he's fired and you know it.

Pilchard: If he wasn't so selfish he'd have done whatever it took to save Carter.

[Nick blasts Aaron Blake with a forearm attack, knocking him out as the fans boo. Chris Michaels stands between Dangerous and Carter as we hear him say "that's enough." Nick responds saying "get out of my way," as he walks around Carter and puts Carter back in the armbar.]

Wilden: That's enough!

[With the armbar applied, Nick delivers some elbows to the shoulder of J.J. Carter, each time he elbows his shoulder he shouts "do something about it!"]

Wilden: That's enough already!

Pilchard: Michaels can stop this at any time, cast job security aside so Carter can live to fight another day.

Wilden: I thought you said Nick was a changed man, all he cared about was that he won!

Pilchard: Well allow me to reassess him then.

Wilden: How can you be behind this!

[The fans roar as a concerned Brother Shabazz charges the ring armed with a steel chair.]

Wilden: Thank god, Shabazz is gonna do something about this!

[Nick notices Shabazz as he enters the ring, Nick tries to get up in time to defend himself but Shabazz throws his chair at him. Nick blocks the chair, slapping it away but Shabazz leaps at him and wraps his left arm around his head as he delivers underhook right hand punches to the head as Michaels cheers him on with the rest of the fans.]

Wilden: Shabazz letting him have it!

Pilchard: He has no idea what he just stepped into.

Wilden: What's the matter John? Don't like it when your plans go awry?

[Nick is cornered in the turnbuckle as Michaels rolls Carter out of the ring. Meanwhile we see Chazz Mendel running down the aisle.]

Wilden: Oh no...

Pilchard: Oohhh yes!

[Michaels taps Shabazz on the shoulder as he directs him to Chazz Mendel, Shabazz stops pounding on Dangerous as he turns around to tackle Chazz to the mat.]

Wilden: Shabazz is showing a meanstreak! He's got to be getting sick of all these sneak attacks he and Carter have fell victim to over the last few weeks!

[Chazz shields himself from Shabazz's attacks when Nick picks up the chair he brought to the ring, Michaels tries to warn him but it's too late.]

Wilden: What a vicious chair shot to Shabazz's back! This is terrible!

[The fans cheer even louder as Christian Roman comes out.]

Wilden: It's Roman! Christian Roman coming out for the save!

Pilchard: He's at a disadvantage of Chris Michaels is gonna keep putting himself first!

Wilden: Roman's in!

[Roman takes Nick down with a right hand, and then Chazz Mendel.]

Wilden: And he's cleaning house with wild fists!

[He then scoop slams Nick Dangerous.]

Wilden: Slams him!

[And then defends against a charging Chazz Mendel with a back body drop.]

Wilden: Back body drop for Chazz Mendel!

[Nick catches Roman off guard with a front face lock.]

Pilchard: He's not gonna outwrestle Dangerous! Not a chance!

[Chazz then takes advantage of the occupied Christian Roman with a stiff kick between the legs.]

Wilden: What a bunch of crap! Low blow to Christian Roman! It was already two on one!

Pilchard: Why can't you wrap your mind around the fact that three men have just been laid to waste and Chris Michaels has done nothing but stand there like an idiot and be a cheerleader!

Wilden: He's got a family of his own to feed John!

[Chazz Mendel and Nick Dangerous back away from the mess they made as they look on at a ashamed Chris Michaels who almost looks guilty for what he's done.]

Pilchard: He has plenty of money for his family, he needs money for his fast cars Lance. His private jet, his summer yacht. He let his friends and peers suffer for a yacht!

Wilden: What makes you any better than Mike Logan? Huh? What makes you better than Heretic for all this?

Pilchard: I'm a journalist Lance. I gotta do what I gotta do to get a story, and the story here is that Chris Michaels is a phony.

Wilden: You can't pick on him forever.

Pilchard: If he has any dignity we won't have to Lance. All he has to do is take the fall for his friends.

Wilden: That's silly. All of this is just terrible. We need to take a break folks, the main event is next.

[Robbie and Mary-Joe walk back to her hotel room! Robbie has a huge smile on his face while, Mary-Joe looks very nervous! On the way there, they pass The Duke, who is being put in a headlock by none other than Billy Headlock.]

The Duke: The Duke commands you to leteth the go eth of my poody roody lollipop cheeks!

[Behind him DUI is laughing! Robbie and Mary-Joe walk past them!]

Hart: I had a pretty good time tonight!

Mary-Joe: Yeah, it wasn't horrible!

[Mary-Joe has her head down as they approach her room!]

Mary-Joe: You had NO right sticking your nose into my business! I could've handled myself against that horrible man who brought his horrible kids to a horrible movie!

Hart: How can you hate that film?

Mary-Joe: I like Wonder Woman, but of course men have that film in developmental hell! But as I was saying, I didn't need your help! But ... for whatever it is worth, it was an adequate gesture on your part!

Hart: Thanks!

Mary-Joe: I didn't mean it as a compliment!

[She realizes that they are both in front of the door to her room! She grimaces!]

Mary-Joe: You may go now!

[Robbie just stares at her!]

Mary-Joe: NOW!

Hart: Okay!

[Robbie Walks away as Mary-Joe begins to unlock her door! Suddenly, she pops up and Robbie Hart returns! Before she can say anything, he gently kisses her on the lips! She pushes him off and slaps in the face!]

Mary-Joe: EEEWWWWW!

[Robbie Hart semi laughs as he holds his chin!]

Hart: Sorry... I just knew I'd never get another shot at that!

Mary-Joe: LEAVE! NOW!

[Robbie Hart walks away with a grin on his face while he holds it! He gets to the stares but then something pulls him aside! He turns to find Mary-Joe who pulls him in for a passionate kiss! This continues for ten seconds, she then jumps up onto thim and he carries her as they continue to manically make out in the hallway! He puts her down and then she pushes him off with an offended look on her face!]

Mary-Joe: RAPE!

Hart: WHAT?

[Mary-Joe then pulls out her pepper spray and sprays him in the face! He falls to the floor when the spray gets him in the face.]

Hart: AH... I CAN'T SEE!

Mary-Joe: Don't force yourself on me, you PIG!

Hart: You... forced...

[She slaps him across the face again!]

Mary-Joe: Don't you give me that!

[Mary-Joe then struts off as Hart struggles on the ground!]

Hart: OW!

[Mary-Joe then turns back with a strict look on her face!]

Mary-Joe: Be here, Friday, same time. And don't pull that "rose" crap again!

[Hart smiles as Mary-Joe walks away and slams the door to her room! Hart slowly gets himself up, still not being able to see too well!]

Hart: It was still well worth it!

Wilden: Well at least Hart's having a good time tonight.

Pilchard: You know what Lance you never seem to like your job.

Wilden: You know I used to really enjoy it. After what I've been seeing lately

Pilchard: Well you know I agree with you-

Wilden: You agree with me? You're a part of it!

Pilchard: I'm bringing about change, I'm opening peoples' eyes and I won't let you get away with putting me in the same group as Heretic, or Logan, or the WGL.

[The lights dim and the rampway lights with flashing pink and blue colors. The stage looks incredibly retro as "It's Hip to Be Square" by Huey Lewis and the News begins to play across the arena. Once the song picks up, Chandler Dalmon appears on the rampway wearing a courdaroy jacket and a fadora! The minute he steps onto the rampway, fireworks shoot off from the ceiling to both sides of the ramp. As the fireworks blaze from one side of the ramp to the other on each side, Chandler rolls his and chuckles. Then fireworks come blasting from the cWo tron as a banner that says "Chandler Dalmon is here" unfolds to each side. And finally doves fly from the top of the cWo-tron as Chandler looks up cracking up! He looks at the fans and goes "Did you see that? That was so elaborate! That's hilarious!" Chandler continues to strut down the walkway.]

Pilchard: And I flat out refuse, that you lump me in along the likes of this guy.

Wilden: Well you don't leave me any reason not to.

[Senior ring announcer Mic Benson takes the reigns as he announces Dalmon's arrival.]

Benson: The following contest is our maaaaain event! And is scheduled for one fall! Entering the ring first, the challenger, weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds, hailing from an undecided location. He is Chanderrrrrr Daaaalmoooonnnn!

[The minute he slides into the ring, fireworks shoot from all the ring posts and then a barrage of fireworks erupt from the scaffolding above him!]

[Again, he cracks up at up at the parody of the "big wrestler" entrance that he sets up for himself. He takes off his hat and fadora. He asks for Ameryca to hand him the microphone and it stands behinds him as he addresses the crowd.]

Dalmon: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now safe to start paying attention to this program! You are all about witness HISTORY in the making! You are going to see me, Chandler Edsel Dalmon, be awarded his first singles championship! Sure, I was a tag team champion at one point, but who wasn't during that period of time?

[The crowd continues to boo while he pays no mind to them!]

Dalmon: What you are about to witness, is something completely different! No more abnoxious sisters who don't put out, no more cowardly stunts to win a title, and no more fake relatives! What you are about to witness is the culmination of my education. You are about to witness the dawn of a new era! You are about to enter the ERA OF ENLIGHTENMENT IN cWo! And it begins with my slaying of the uneducated! I understand that right now, you are all enamored to his wild adventurous, gruff aura! Well, guess what? That goes away! Take all that away and you still have that boy with a twelfth grade education. And that is how he will fall! That is how the cWo you know will end!

[Chandler looks over at Ameryca as the chorus of boos gets louder!]

Dalmon: So... with that said...

[The heat fills the arena!]

Dalmon: Pardon me, are you prepared?

[There is barely any response from the crowd.]

Dalmon: Let me repeat to clarify... are you prepared?

[Once again, there is no response. Chandler just shrugs!]

Dalmon: In that case, for aproximately eight thousand and twenty who actually paid money to watch a lesser medium such as this... For the 44.2% watching at home, while they should be doing something productive like spending time with their kids, or reading a book, or learning a second language...

[Chandler pauses for a second and then leans back as he finishes up his little monologue.]

Dalmon: PLEASE BE ON GUARD TO ORALLY RECIEVE FLUIDS FROM MY NETHER REGION!!!!

[Ameryca claps as Chandler begins to stretch in the ring!]

Pilchard: This guy is starting to get a bit predictable. You'd think for as much as he tries to stand out he'd change his act a little.

Wilden: I've noticed today that people just don't change.

[Chandler grabs the microphone once more as the lights go down and points to the rampway!]

Dalmon: Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you the soon to be former United States Champion and about to make his long walk to the ring: "The Offspring that is Produced from those that Hate" Josh Cantrell!

[The crowd explodes as the lights dim and red fog fills the entrance way with red lights shining through it. The fans erupts as "The Sound of Madness" by Shinedown hits and Josh Cantrell steps out on the ramp, holding his United States title over his shoulder. He walks out from the smoke, but is suddenly jumped from behind by three figures!]

Wilden: What is this?

Pilchard: This must be Josh Cantrell's "long walk" to the ring.

[Once the smoke clears, a clear image of Thaddeus Walker, Devon Dice, and Xyce Pac beating on Cantrell can be seen! Meanwhile, Chandler leans on the turnbuckle applauding those on the ramp way!]

Wilden: Great, he is so positive he is going to win because he set up a pre-match beating!

Pilchard: Well given your suddenly sour mood you should come to expect this by now shouldn't you?

[Cantrell takes a frozen elbow from Xyce Pac and then gets thrown into the barricade! This is followed by a Gentlemen's Elbow from Thaddeus! And Dice follows up with a fist drop!]

Wilden: I hope Chandler is proud of himself!

Pilchard: Oh I'm sure he is.

[The crowd erupts as Sean Pason and Raymond Jacobson explode out of the rampway and start taking it to the rest of the WGL! Pason beats on Thaddeus while Jacobson stands toe to toe with Dice and Cantrell tries to fight back against Xyce Pac! Chandler remains in the ring checking his watch!]

Wilden: And finally, Sean Pason and Raymond Jacobson rush to the scene. Some hope for Cantrell!

Pilchard: The phrase "too little too late" comes to mind here.

[Chandler stands in the ring as Dice, Xyce Pac, Thaddeus Walker, Jacobson, and Pason fight their way to the back! Cantrell gets himself back up and stares daggers at Chandler, who approaches, but then Ameryca gets in his way!]

Wilden: Of course Ameryca has to waste our time as well.

Pilchard: I wouldn't mess with the transexual of the group. They've already taken the ultimate sacrifice, they have nothing left to lose.

Wilden: Hilarious...

[Cantrell rolls his eyes as Ameryca gets in a battle pose! It says "You won't hit a lady would you!" Cantrell shrugs and lays he/she out with a hard punch! And Cantrell slides into the ring]

DING DING DING

Wilden: Well the match has actually started believe it or not, and I hope against all hope that Josh Cantrell can retain his title! Chandler approaches but Cantrell quickly knocks him back with hard lefts and rights. It seems like the "long walk" inspired him more than anything else, at least someone can provide an example of fighting spirit. Cantrell with a snap suplex to Dalmon! It doesn't look like he is off to a great start in his first match for the U.S title! Cantrell gets up and raises his arms up as the arena cheers him on! Cantrell picks up Chandler again and hits a spinning neckbreaker on the self proclaimed "genius!" And he follows up with a leg drop to Chandler! Show him who the man is Josh!

Pilchard: Lance you're starting to get the shakes, I think you need to cool down a little.

Wilden: I can't help it John! After tonight I wanna leave this arena with something to be happy about! Cantrell picks him up again, but Chandler fights back with punches.

[Chandler yells "Right, left, jag, uppercut" to go with his punches! He yells out "knee strike" as he strikes Cantrell's chest with knees!]

Wilden: Well I don't even have to call this anymore. Chandler Dalmon looks to wanna do the work for me...

[And he calls out "impaler DDT" and then of course lands an impaler DDT on Cantrell. Chandler yells out "stamp" and jumps up and stamps on Cantrell's chest.]

Pilchard: So what? You're just gonna sit there and mope now? You're getting paid for this?

Wilden: Well what does it matter? He does this all the time, why should I have to call another move for this jackass?

[Cantrell slowly gets up as Dalmon yells "Boot to the head!" Dalmon rushes his foot to Cantrell's forehead, but Cantrell uses a single leg take down and then transitions that into an ankle lock.]

Pilchard: You're starting to sound real pathetic, Wilden.

Wilden: I'm just getting sick of it all. Cantrell at least turned this around in his favor, ankle lock applied, and he's putting a lot of torque on it. Snap his ankle in half Josh! This should be the end of Chandler!

Pilchard: You're starting to show a bit of bloodlust.

Wilden: He's been asking for it for months John and you know it.

Pilchard: It's not that I don't agree. It's just strange hearing you get enjoyment out of it.

[Chandler powers through it and gets his arm on the ropes and Cantrell has no choice but to let him go.]

Wilden: Yeah you wanna keep grinding the axe John?

Pilchard: Well what makes you think you're any better than me? You keep talking about what the problem with cWo is and you're just stirring up even more problems!

[Chandler slowly gets to his feet, but Cantrell doesn't give him a chance to catch his breath because Chandler gets welcomed with a sidewalk slam by Cantrell!]

Pilchard: Haven't you read my column last night? I made a simple task for you tonight not to get so emotional, just call the moves.

Wilden: Okay you want me to call the moves? That's all?

Pilchard: It's your god damn job Lance!

Wilden: Josh Cantrell with the pin.

ONE

[Wilden continues calling the action in an uninspired monotone.]

Wilden: Chandler kicks out. Josh Cantrell is kicking ! Cantrell picks up Chandler again and hits a snapmare. And a spinal tap that Cantrell. Hooks the leg.

ONE

TWO

[Chandler reverses the pin with a cradle.]

ONE

Wilden: Cantrell kicks out.

Pilchard: You're just being obnoxious now.

Wilden: And I'm the one being obnoxious!

[As Wilden and Pilchard bicker, Chandler picks up Cantrell and holds him onto the turnbuckle and then begins calling out his chops.]

Wilden: Chandler's calling out his own moves! Heretic is putting hits out on Johnny Serious. You sick your dogs on two men who have nothing to do with you! And I'm being obnoxious?

[Irish whip from Chandler to Cantrell into the turnbuckle, followed by running clothesline to Cantrell! And a follow up of a bulldog.]

Pilchard: You're acting just as crazy as the rest of them!

Wilden: Well this is what you wanted isn't it?

[Chandler giggles as he calls out then lands an old fashioned leg drop. And the pin attempt.]

ONE

TWO

[Cantrell kicks out. Chandler stalks Josh Cantrell as he gets to his feet.]

Wilden: How does everyone expect me to act? The way people like you have been treating good people like Johnny Serious for no good reason I don't know how you couldn't be trying to turn this place into a nuthouse!

[Once Josh is up, he gets hit by a hard lariat from from Chandler.]

Wilden: There he goes calling his moves again.

Pilchard: Look, maybe you should just take a breather and let me call this match.

[Josh gets up just in time for Chandler to land a tornado DDT on him and makes another pin attempt.]

ONE

TWO

[Cantrell kicks out.]

Wilden: Be my guest.

Pilchard: Alright, maybe you'll learn a thing or two.

[Chandler looks frustrated by the two count as he argues with the referee and when he turns around he gets welcomed by a swinging side backbreaker from Cantrell! And he follows it up with a fireman's carry onto his knee!]

Pilchard: Cantrell just uhh leveled Chandler there. Pin attempt to follow up.

ONE

TWO

Pilchard: Chandler kicks out, but Cantrell stays on the ball, stalking Chandler like it's rabbit season.

[Chandler slowly gets to his feet, as Cantrell hits him with a running STO.]

Pilchard: Hits him with the STO sweep!

ONE

TWO

Pilchard: But he kicks out. Are you alright yet Wilden?

Wilden: ...

Pilchard: Well...Cantrell maintaining control...

[Cantrell irish whips him into the turnbuckle.]

Pilchard: Chandler into the turnbuckle. Cantrell with a...with a running forearm but not quite! Chandler ducks it, Chandler rushes the opposite ropes...and he hits...

[Chandler yells out "Crossbody" and of course, hits a cross body and performs the pinfall.]

Pilchard: Well..yeah..yeah, and the pin!

ONE

TWO

Pilchard: Chandler using the ropes for leverage there but still couldn't get it. You snapping out of it any time soon Lance? I better be getting paid double for this.

[Chandler then picks Cantrell up and boots him into the ribs. He brings Cantrell to the turnbuckle slamming him head first and then sets him up on the turnbuckle in super plex position!]

Pilchard: I don't imagine this will turn out well for Chandler.

[Chandler joins him up on the turnbuckle but then steps back down and looks at Cantrell and says "Good luck getting down!"]

Pilchard: Probably a smart move to get out of there. I don't think Chandler would have known what else to do with him. Moron.

[Chandler turns to give a wink at Ameryca and when he turns around he gets knocked down by an axe handle. Cantrell goes behind Dalmon and hits The Kindred wrist exploder.]

Pilchard: Exploder suplex from Josh Cantrell. That should be enough!

[Cantrell picks Chandler up.]

Pilchard: He should be pinning him, don't pick him up! Put him out!

[Cantrell irish whips Chandler into the ropes and Cantrell clotheslines him over and out the ring.]

Pilchard: I don't think he's in it to win it anymore. He's starting to let his anger get the best of him.

[As Chandler gets up Cantrell steps outside the ring and hits a flying clothesline on him.]

ONE

[The count begins and Cantrell takes it to Dalmon, but Dalmon rakes the eyes of Cantrell! Cantrell falls backwards as Ameryca climbs up trying to get the referee's attention.]

Pilchard: Well Beelzebub is trying to get referee Johnny Williams' attention, but Williams in an odd change of pace is actually doing his job.

TWO

[Cantrell continues pounding away on Chandler. Johnny Williams takes notice to Ameryca as he turns his attention to backing her off the apron.]

Pilchard: Looks like Williams locked eyes with Ameryca, and like most car accidents he can't look away. Jacob Baxter! Jacob Baxter just jumped the guard rail Lance!

Wilden: *sigh*...

Pilchard: Jacob Baxter just picked up the U.S. title from the timekeepers table!

[With the refs back turned, Baxter slams the United States title into Cantrell's face.]

Wilden: You know back in cWo's original incarnation it was never like this.

Pilchard: I got this under control Lance just keep taking a break.

Wilden: At its worst things were never this out of control back then.

[Baxter rolls Cantrell back in the ring as the fans jeer.]

Pilchard: Just shut up, Lance.

[Chandler picks him up and yells out inside cradle suplex, and hits Cantrell with exactly that, polishing it off with a pin.]

Pilchard: Well you should like this.

ONE

TWO

THREE

DING DING DING

[Chandler immediately slides out of the ring as "It's Hip to be Square" by Huey Luis hits the PA system.]

Pilchard: Well let me put this together...

Benson: The winner of this match, and newwww United States Champion...Chandleerrrr Edseeeel Daaaaalmooooon!

[Fans boo loudly as Chandler exhaustedly makes his leave from the ring.]

Pilchard: We have...a beatnik, spoiled brat of a U.S. Champion with a false sense of entitlement...

[As Baxter gets in the ring to stare down a dazed and upset Cantrell, Johnny Williams hands Chandler the United States title on the bottom of the rampway as Chandler look incredibly excited and is soon joined by Ameryca, he goes to embrace him!]

[Richard Cheese's "Welcome to the Jungle" continues to play as Chandler celebrates his way all the way to the stage!]

Pilchard: And a terrifying, psychopath of a World Champion...and as my colleague here's sanity is starting to wane. Let me take a page out of Tiffany Tolberg's journalistic playbook. Lance what are your thoughts on all this?

[Chandler poses on the ramp once more as Baxter grabs the mic and the music dies down as Chandler leaves the arena still celebrating his victory.]

Wilden: cWo is going straight to hell.....

[With those ominous words the show fades out to an end...]